


Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

by LondonCalls



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: AU, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Human Guardian Angel, Hurt Roger Taylor (Queen), M/M, Major Illness, Queen 1973, Running Away, Sad Roger Taylor (Queen), Shower Sex, Slow Burn, Telepathic Bond
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:02:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 42,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21695077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LondonCalls/pseuds/LondonCalls
Summary: Brian and Freddie audition two new band members, Roger and John who have amazing telepathic abilities. Brian suddenly realizes he, too, can communicate with them and soon falls in love with both the bassist and drummer. They discover they can transport themselves mentally to another place away from the flat in Kensington and this starts a three way relationship that is as much innocent as passionate.Brian soon becomes the protector of his two beautiful angels but love with them can sometimes be a delicate balance that has to be taken seriously as the love between Roger and John is too precious to interfere with.
Relationships: John Deacon & Brian May & Roger Taylor, John Deacon/Roger Taylor
Comments: 142
Kudos: 116





	1. Today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian and Freddie have lost their bassist and drummer and audition two new musicians before they start their UK North tour.

Brian slammed down the phone so harshly it made Freddie jump. They were about to leave for a rehearsal for their upcoming tour in the north of England when they had received the call that their drummer and bassist were quitting as they were joining an American band next week. That was all the notice the tow musicians had and they were furious. Impossible to cancel the gigs, impossible to find new band members that could learn all the songs and be good enough to join Queen.

Brian and Freddie had high standards. Perhaps, too high. This wasn't the first time they had lost another band member. They couldn't take ongoing perfectionism of the singer and guitarist.

"Do we have time to do auditions, Bri?" Freddie was looking unusually nervous about the prospect. It was a pain listening to varying degrees of bad musicians who though they were wonderful when all they did was hurt the singers ears.

"Probably not but we have to try. We can't cancel this tour, Fred. We'll never get a chance like this again and think of the money." Brian rubbed the back of his neck and frowned before taking a pad of paper from the kitchen drawer and writing out an audition request for a bassist and drummer. Adding upcoming tour to add to the incentive. Freddie groaned. He wondered where he had put his earplugs.

It was just about as bad as they thought it would be. Varying degrees of awfulness in musical ability turned up for the auditions at the hall that Imperial College had allowed them to use. Freddie found a great need for his ear plugs and was tired of saying "we'll let you know". He looked in despair at Brian who shrugged after each musician left the hall.

"Lets go for lunch and a pint." The guitarist suggested. They didn't have to see any more auditions for another hour and a half .

As they settled down in a corner with their sandwiches and beer Freddie sighed. "The first drummer and that bassist just after weren't bad." his voice trailed off. Not bad, was not what they were looking for. 

"But neither quite had the 'look'. Freddie frowned as this, to him, was a big consideration. Brian shot him a 'whatever' look but secretly agreed. There was a certain 'Queen' look they might as well hold out for the perfect replacements.

"Hey, you two." Their friend Stu slid into the bench next to them. "I heard you're doing auditions again?" he scoffed. "What is it with you guys and drummers?" 

"We lost the bassist, too. Went and joined that American 'start up' band. Brian furrowed his brow. Really, Stu could be a pain. 

"Well, you may be in luck. The bassist and drummer from said yank band are looking for a band, now." He said it smugly but the other two sat up and looked at eachother.

"Are they any good?" both asked at the same time. Brian rolled his eyes. 

"Actually, they are that good. You have to keep an open mind about them. They come as a package. Take one you take both."

Freddie shook his head. "Keep an open mind. I know what that means. Five minutes after they join the shit hits the fan and we're stuck with them."

Stu looked at Brian for support. "Look Bri. It's no skin off my nose if you don't try them out but I think you will kick yourself if you don't mate."

"We might as well, Fred. No obligation if we hear them."

"What do they look like?" Freddie asked, ignoring the poke in the ribs from Brian.

Stu laughed. "Well, they've got lots of female fans so I guess that answers your question. I think they have their own fan base. At the least the drummer does." He laughed and stood up.

"Oka. If you talk to them we have a 4 pm opening." Brian sighed and sipped his pint thoughtfully, ignoring Freddie's huffing about the whole thing.

4 pm had finally rolled around and both musicians were curious as to who would walk through the door. They didn't have long to wait.

"Hi, I'm John Deacon. I'm the bassist." A shy young man with wavy brown, shoulder length hair introduced himself. Brian and Freddie shook hands with him and turned to the young man who must be the drummer but John spoke on his behalf.

"This is Roger Taylor." He introduced his friend. The drummer, with shoulder length hair and colour referred to as 'dirty blond' shook hands with them. He has startlingly blue eyes, fringed with dark lashes. Brian and Freddie didn't look at eachother but both were thinking they two at least had 'the look'.

"Oh, and Rog can sing, also." The brunette was obviously proud of his friend as he smiled at him and nodded and the blond smirked back, tossing his head, so that his hair went flying off his shoulders.

"I'll just help Rog set up his kit. It'll take a few minutes if that's okay. Are we the last?" The bassist was already helping the drummer set up as he spoke.

"Yeah, you're last, so take your time." Brian looked at Freddie now and they both shrugged meaning so far so good.

"Ok, Rog?" John was asking the drummer something and seemed to understand the silent reply. This went on for a few minutes, as every so often John asked for direction in the set up. Finally, he looked over at the two older musicians.

"I guess I better explain if Stu hasn't." he looked suddenly shy as if waiting for some sort of disapproval but Freddie and Brian were trying to 'keep an open mind'.

"Rog doesn't talk. He can sing but he doesn't talk. I don't mean that he can't or won't he just doesn't. But he can sing." he finished as this would go a long way in ignoring the otherwise silence.

"If you want to ask him something, go ahead. He'll give me the answer." he nodded at the two encouragingly. It was almost endearing.

"I've know Rog since we were kids and he's always been like this. We just have our own communication and it works but that's why we're always together" He looked fondly at his friend who sitting on the stool behind his kit, twirling his drumsticks and thumping the bass drum a couple of times as if impatient to get going.

Brian pulled on his guitar strap and asked John who was told he could call Deaky what song they would like to audition with to start.

"Doing alright' If that's alright with you. Rog has got this one down." he nodded at the drummer who twirling his drumsticks a few times waited for the first few chords before starting.

"Fuck!" Freddie was open mouthed in shock. The drummer drummed like a demon and sang like an angel. They had gone from Doing Alright to Brighton Rock. John or Deaky now, was a very talented bassist and the two original members of Queen did not have to confer secretly with eachother.

"You're in! Well, of course, both of you are in." Freddie and Brian shook hands with them and watched at the two younger members of the band as they smiled and nodded to eachother.

It had been arranged that they could both move into the 3 bedroom flat but Freddie was worried about that as the bedroom only had a double bed and he wasn't sure if they were just friends or more. Finally, he had to just come out and ask them.

They had helped pack Roger's kit back in their van and gone on to the pub for a drink and to discuss the tour.

"You mentioned that you need new digs." Freddie started and Deaky nodded.

"Yeah, when we quit the US ban we also had to move. They were a little angry about us leaving like that but Roger said we should and I always listen to him. He's usually right." Again, he nodded at his friend who looked at Brian and Freddie as if waiting for another question.

"Okay," Freddie looked at Brian. "Why did you think that, though?" He looked at the drummer who raised his eyes as if thinking about an answer then looked at the bassist.

"Rog thinks something bad was going to happen." Deaky shrugged but not dismissively. It was a fact as far as he was concerned and he heeded it.

"Okay, then." Brian didn't know where to go with that. Maybe the drummer had second sight or something? Time would tell.

"The room we have only has a double bed. Are you okay with that?" Freddie couldn't bring himself to ask the next question. He guessed they would know soon enough.

This time Deaky didn't look at his friend. "That's okay. We're use to sharing and sometimes one of us stays with a girlfriend, anyway." He answered and again the drummer smirked, tossing his head before lighting a cigarette.

"Well, that's settled then." This from Brian who knew the singer was fishing to find out if the two were a romantic couple. That would be the death of any band, they knew. But beggars couldn't be choosers and really they did now have 'the look'.

Roger and John had moved into the flat the next day. Roger had an amazing amount of clothes and it appeared that John was the one who had to find room for them in the bedroom closet. There was also a box of various bracelets and chokers and watches that the drummer felt were necessary for his wardrobe and this amused Freddie no end as he felt he had found a kindred fashion spirit. Though he did draw the line at the red or purple sneakers, but to each their own, he thought.

At least there wouldn't be too much chatter in the middle of the night if the bassist and drummer didn't seem to need words to communicate. Brian and Freddie were already use to asking Roger a question or making a remark to him and getting John answering. But then a strange thing happened. They got to understand Roger's facial expression or just the look in his eyes to get the answer.

Both the young musicians girlfriends had come over and proclaimed the accommodation worthy of enough for their respective boyfriends. Freddie was glad when they indicated they didn't plan on staying over at any point as they had their own flats and anyway it would take a bit of maneuvering if it was the same night.

"Freddie, quit worrying about their love lives, it's their business, not ours and you're one to talk." Brian rolled his eyes as he read the morning paper and sipped his coffee.

Freddie had peaked into the bedroom now shared by the bassist and drummer. The door was open a few inches and he couldn't help himself looking in to make sure everything was alright, he told himself. The two were fast asleep in eachothers arms, obviously not naked. He quietly shut the door and headed for the kitchen to where Brian was reading the paper.

"What happens if they have a fight or something. Poof, their goes the band again!" Freddie plopped himself onto a chair and poured himself a cup of coffee. He had told Brian what he had seen and was met with a roll of the eyes and a shake of the head. Brian really could be infuriatingly sensible, sometimes.

"That was sort of sweet the other night, though." Freddie smiled to himself. Maybe he was just jealous.

It had been the third night that Roger and Deaky had been there and after dinner and a game of scrabble, that Roger won, hands down they had settled down to watch a movie. Roger and John were wearing almost matching pyjama bottoms and t shirts and were sitting on the couch. Brian and Freddie in arm chairs at right angles. Roger was holding a smoke in one hand while the bassist was gently applying an ointment to the drummers blistered hand with concentration on his face. The blond had a small smirk on his lips as if he knew his friend enjoyed doing this. Freddie watched as Deaky stopped for a moment and looked into Roger's eyes, apparently getting the response he wanted and continuing with his job. He took the other hand once Roger put the smoke out and repeated the procedure before taking a throw pillow and putting it on the drummers lap, stretched himself out as much as he could and lay his head on the pillow, watching the TV program while Roger casually dropped an arm over his. Neither looked shy or expected any response from the other two.

Brian had noticed, of course. He found the two a puzzle that would be fun to solve or maybe not solve and still be intrigued. He liked both of them, thought Roger an amazing talent and had to admit he was becoming increasingly attracted to him.

In the past the guitarist had experimented with sex, mostly when at College when it seemed the thing to do. But he had never known anyone quite like Roger Taylor. Freddie thought he didn't want to discuss John and Roger because it was none of their business. The fact was he did feel a bit jealous of the relationship the two had which he suspected was just as it was quite innocent.

He felt like a teenage boy every time the blond was near him. He got butterflies in his stomach just watching and hearing him sing. His head thrown back as if in ecstasy as he drummed a complicated bit and then twirled the drumsticks at the end. He didn't even want to know why the blond didn't talk. The mystery surrounding him was intriguing and made him seem more attractive.

Freddie had finally given up trying to engage Brian at the breakfast table but suddenly his eyes widened.

"Bri, have you read the front of the paper yet?" His own voice sounded strangled.

"No, I always read the arts page first, why?" Bri frowned at him and turned the front page over. "Fucking hell!"

The headline read that the airplane carrying passengers including the newly popular American band "Pieces" had crashed somewhere near Ireland. No survivors.

"Roger knew.He knew." Freddie looked back over his shoulder towards the bedroom, his eyes wide.

Just then John had appeared in the doorway. "Rog had a bad night, Bri. Do you have any aspirin?" He was half asleep and watched as Brian reached into a drawer and pulled out the bottle of pain killers, silently. He poured a glass of water from the tap and handed it to him. By then John had seen the headline in the newspaper and he sighed. "That's what was upsetting him, then. He was shaking all night." He said it so matter of fact as if of course the crash now made sense to the disturbed night.

Brian wondered how many times this had happened before, then.

Roger had appeared so quietly that even Deaky had jumped. The blond was behind him, leaning his chin on his shoulder. He could see the headlines on the paper and his tear swollen eyes filled again as the bassist turned to try and shield him from the paper.

"It's okay, Rog." He whispered. "You did everything you could to stop them." Deaky would not normally have used words but thought it was rude to keep the other two out of what they were saying to eachother most of the time. Some things were too personal and would be misunderstood. He held the drummer tightly in his arms, stroking back the silky hair.

"Deaks, can we do anything for him?" Brian stood up wanting so much to be of some help.

"I'll just take him back to bed, Bri. Thanks. He'll be okay later." John smiled at them both and turned to walk slowly back to the bedroom his arm around his friend.

Freddie was nearly speechless. "Poor kid." he finally whispered and Brian nodded looking back at the headline and then at the retreating back of the drummer.


	2. Today Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger shows his abilities again and Brian his quickly being drawn into that special world but Deaky has his doubts.

Queen had been on tour for a week and it had been 3 weeks since the revelation that Roger really could see into the future. Freddie and Brian were in a certain amount of awe of the drummer and Brian had recognized after quite a short time that he had more then a crush on the blond.

The week before they left for the tour both John and Roger had spent a lot of time at their girlfriends flats as they wouldn't see them for a month or more and Freddie and Brian noticed their absence from the flat. The two younger musicians had quickly bonded with the older two and after a lot of rehearsing before the tour began and Brian and Freddie were sure they had made the right choice in hiring them. They were talented and good humoured and learned the new songs quickly. They were also amazed with Roger's singing voice. He could hit high notes not even Freddie could. 

They were setting up for their Birmingham gig one afternoon and Brian took his chance while John was helping Roger with his kit to ask a few questions regarding the drummers amazing abilities other then musical.

"I was just wondering Deaky." He started as he sat on the drum riser watching the other two deftly putting the kit together. "When Roger talks to you is it in words as if he was speaking?" 

John sat back on his heels for a moment, thinking about his answer. "For me, it started off as a series of very delicate 'ping' sounds and then they developed into something I can only really describe as 'musical notes'. The bassist looked over at the blond and pointed to a cymbal for placement and obviously got his answer as he nodded and moved it a few inches.

"Sorry. Does that help at all?" The bassist put his head to one side.

"That's amazing." Brian shook his head. "I wish I could do it. Understand him." He smiled over at the blond. 

John had previously told the two musicians that the drummer couldn't read their minds or see more into the future then a week or two and that would only be if there was a danger. He had laughed saying unfortunately he couldn't predict horse races or anything. He explained as carefully as he could, so they wouldn't think the drummer some sort of a freak, that he was the only person who was able up to now to understand the drummer and visa versa. He did add the drummer could read lips, so be careful he had smirked. 

"But why does he sing and not talk unless he has to?" Roger had asked

"Singing requires a different part of his brain and it's sort of automatic with Rog. He doesn't have think about what he's doing when singing. But talking requires the other part and that's where the telepathy comes in. If he talks then that part of his brain that transfers the thoughts doesn't get any exercise." John looked over at Roger for a moment after he answered Brian's question, looking into the blue eyes, obviously transferring some thought, to which he received a nod and a smile from the drummer.

John looked at the guitarist seriously for a moment. "If you like I can ask Roger if he can try to teach you?"

"Really?" Brian wondered how that would work. He watched as the bassist got the drummers attention and they looked at eachother for a few moments before the blond nodded and smiled looking over at Brian.

"Rog says okay. Maybe you can start tonight. 15 minutes at a time just to start."

"That would be great. Yes!" Brian gave Roger the thumbs up then looked at John who was concentrating on what he was doing. "How would that work though?"

"Well, you would ask him some simple question that required a yes or no answer and see if you can hear the sounds. It might take a long time or not. It just depends on how hard you try, probably." 

Brian sensed that the bassist was feeling uncomfortable about talking about his friend and he watched as Roger, sensing something, gave the bassist a gentle smile that even someone with no telepathic abilities would understand. 

John had mixed feelings about Roger trying to help Brian. It was something he and the drummer had between them that was special and kept them close. He wondered if he was feeling a little jealous and decided he was. He didn't have any hold on Roger but they had both felt protective towards eachother.

John hadn't told anyone that the night of the plane crash, the thoughts coming through to him from the drummer were so many and discordant that his mind couldn't comprehend any of the words and he had to ask his bedmate to talk. Roger had complied after a few moments but even then the bassist found it hard to make any sense as the words tumbled into eachother so he had just held onto his friend to let him know he understood he was upset about something and wait till morning to find out why.

The Birmingham gig was a tremendous success and the 4 musicians were aware that there were some executives from EMI there so this could be there break. They rocked it totally at the venue and each member shone in their own way. 

Roger, indeed, did have his own fan base and they were there in full force having travelled up from London.

Roger watched from the riser. He was always watching. He observed everyone. Brian was interesting. He knew the tall guitarist liked him. Fancied him, even. As the drummer thought this, he looked over at Deaky and smiled to himself. The bassist had no idea really how much he loved him. He twirled his drumsticks and put his head to one side as Deaky stepped closer to him as he played and their eyes locked and the drummer sent the message that caused the brunette to blush and turn his head away to hide a smile.

John had caught Roger's look and thought. He would have to tell him not to do that during a performance but he knew he wouldn't. The drummer would never know how much he loved him. He watched Brian try to hide his interest in the drummer but the guitarist didn't get the same look.

The gig was just finishing and they were about to do their final bows. Roger did a final twirl of the drumsticks as they finished but suddenly, as the lights came up, as if possessed, he came crashing through his drum kit, pushing aside Deaky and Freddie who were about to go to the top of the stage as Brian unplugged his guitar from the amp. The blond threw himself on the guitarist, hurtling him to the floor only seconds before a boon of lights came crashing down right where the guitarist had been standing. Everyone was stunned including the audience before Freddie and John ran towards the two who were still prone on the stage floor.

Brian stared into the deep blue eyes above him, The air had been knocked out of him and he was taking gulps of air but as he did he slowly started to hear a series of light pings that at first were slow and then more rapid and they left him speechless. He hadn't even practiced with Roger yet and he could here them and he knew he was being asked if he was alright? It was as if they were the only two people in the room. He watched as a slow smile came across the drummers face. He knew he was understood.

John had crouched beside the two musicians, worried about his friend when he realized what was happening just by the amazed look on Brian's face. The bassist stood up quickly and looked towards the singer. John's first instinct was to walk away. He felt unreasonably jealous and didn't want that feeling anywhere near his mind as it would destroy what they had instantly. Freddie put out his hand as did Roger to Brian, pulling him up to take their final bows. A cheer came up from the audience and a few shouts of 'Roger, Roger!" from his own fan base. The drummer, wearing tight black leather pants and an open white shirt, which was now sticking to him with sweat, held up his drumsticks in one hand and bowed, causing another shriek from one side of the venue.

They were back at the hotel after a few drinks at the pub. No one mentioned the telepathic lesson that Roger would give Brian. They were almost silent about the evenings near catastrophe and Brian had needed more then a few drinks to stop shaking as he realized if it hadn't been for the drummer's quick action, he would be dead or at the least disabled. But The drummer would take no credit and sat quietly with his friend at a table for the 4 of them. A couple of EMI execs had left their cards, aware that it was a bad time to discuss business.

Roger was his usual aloof looking self. It was a look he had worked on and worked when he needed it. The pub they had chosen was far away from the venue, more of a local pub then a one frequented by partiers. 

Freddie had been staring at Roger. He just was enthralled with what he though of as a 'magical being' though he would never admit that to anyone. It sounded so juvenile. He kept buying rounds out of his own wages just to be able to sit there quietly and think about what could have been and where they were going now. 

Brian was still pale from the shock and sipped his whiskey slowly. He had thanked Roger so many times he knew he was becoming a bore but couldn't help it. He was still trying to comprehend how he could possibly have made the mental connection with him and felt almost guilty about it. That was something he would have to think about tonight, on his own.

John sat protectively next to his friend whose hand he held under the table. He knew, from experience the drummer would be tired after the rescue. He always was when he had to intervene physically and tonight was also different because there had been a telepathic connection.

Roger was glad of John's hand on top of his. It kept him calm, especially after a concert but this one was important. He knew the execs were there and the band needed the exposure to show their talent. He watched Brian and Freddie, pale as they had been totally scared. He looked beyond them at the pub patrons, quietly sipping their drinks. He looked back at John and slightly, so no one would notice, leaned into him. The drummers worse nightmare would be losing his friend. For all his abilities his greatest gift was Deaky being his friend. 

The hotel room as quite a bit better then most. It has it's own en suite bathroom, which was a definite plus. Also the windows opened and that was the first thing John did when they got back to their room. They had two double beds but one was always just messed up to look like someone had slept in it. Never, in all their time sharing a room had they not slept together. They weren't exactly lovers but they weren't exactly not. They had never discussed it. Sometimes they felt a bond that couldn't be ignored.

They had both showered and changed into sweats and t-shirts and were standing by the open window feeling the breeze that was cool and strong. Roger stood behind his friend, arms wrapped around his waist, his chin on his shoulder. They were of a identical height and weight and could almost have been twins there bond was so strong. They stood for nearly five minutes, enjoying the quiet and gaining strength from eachother.

Roger hardly ever used his words unless it was imperative. There was usually no need with Deaky but this time he felt he had to. His speaking voice was low and raspy, almost a whisper.

"I love you, Deaky." He kissed the narrow shoulder and tightened his arms and as the brunette turned his arms, the grey eyes met his and John didn't need to use words. The look in his eyes was enough and the blond closed his eyes as he parted his lips for the kiss.

Brian and Freddie shared the room next to the younger musicians. Freddie was in the shower and Brian stood in awe as the reflection from what was happening next door reflected onto their open window. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do hope you like this new chapter. I don't want to be boring so hope I'm not.  
> Please leave a comment! Or a Kudo. Or both!


	3. Is this reality?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian has finally made the connection. Did it really happen?

Queen's northern tour had been a success and there was a recording contract pending agreement on all sides. The band had been in a celebratory mood when they got back to their flat in London and had to continue their daily lives till they waited for the contracts to be signed and the recording dates to be considered. 

Roger had kept his promise even before the end of the tour to give Brian lessons in telepathy. The only problem with this was that Deaky exhibited a certain amount of stress about sharing his friends abilities with someone else and Freddie, seeing this managed to get the bassist to give him guitar lessons. The bassist, if he knew this was a ruse, didn't let on. 

Brian found the lessons sometimes frustrating. It was two steps forward and one back but he did have a glimmer of hope in that he could hear the musical notes or pings as John had called them. It was translating them into words that was difficult. 

He would sit opposite the drummer for 20 minutes a day and ask him a simple question that required a simple answer such as blue or red or tomorrow or today. He got quite a few correct and understood it was the rhythm of the sounds that he had to listen for not the sounds so much.

Roger seemed pleased with his progress but occasionally glanced over at his friend, not wanting him to feel left out. Brian found this exchange fascinating. He had realized that the two friends were more then just good mates but no one would have guessed it outside the band. Freddie was happy the two youngest members were a fixture with the band and would help propel them to stardom, fingers crossed.

Brian had wanted to ask Roger so many more questions about his ability. How long he had it for. How did John and he realize they could communicate like this?

John had suggested they had known each other since school and had always been close. Brian thought back to the night he saw their reflections and felt he wished he had that same connection with someone as wonderful as Roger. 

It was a Saturday night and Freddie was staying overnight with friends. There had been a certain tension in the London air as if a storm was coming and sure enough a thunderstorm was predicted starting later that evening. That meant the electricity in the old building would probably fail and the supply of candles kept in the kitchen would be needed. 

As Brian walked home from the pub that evening he watched as the street lamps flickered off one by one and then the lights in various windows went out. He was worried about Roger and John as they had gone home earlier and wouldn't know where the candles and matches were. He sashed up the stairs to the third floor flat and unlocked the door. After hurriedly pulling off his coat and shoes in the dark, silent flat, he felt his way towards a dim light coming from underneath John and Roger's bedroom door.

He knocked gently before opening the door and was in awe of what was before him. The small room was aglow with candles of various sizes all over the room. On the desk, beside tables, bureau and window ledge, The two friends had made a secondary bed by pulling the comforters and pillows from the bed and were huddled together, their backs against the bed, a bottle of wine and two glasses beside them.

"I was just going to let you know we have candles but you obviously are prepared." The guitarist smile at the two younger musicians who looked at him as if he had turned up to save them. 

Roger had his face buried in John's shoulder as a roar of thunder made the windows shake. John was quick to explain to Brian that the lightening and noise affected the drummers telepathy and caused discordant sounds that he couldn't hear but the blond could.

"I can only get his attention away from the storm by getting him slightly drunk." The bassist shrugged and looked appealingly at the older man for help. 'Please join us. Talk about anything to get his mind off it?" 

"Absolutely," Brian nodded. "Just give me a few seconds to change and I'll grab another bottle of something." He wondered if there was another bottle but as he changed into pyjama bottoms and a long sleeved tee shirt he remembered he had secreted a bottle of Prosecco away in his wardrobe and took it with 3 glasses back to the other's bedroom. He then went back for his own quilt and pillows.

"Sort of like an alcoholic version of a boarding school midnight feast." he laughed trying to break the tension in the room totally caused by the storm. 

The usually self confident drummer and bassist made room for the taller man as he got under the covers in between them. Reality was different tonight. He sensed it. The room seemed almost magical, with the flickering candles and rain hitting the windows now making an almost musical sound. The lightening hit again and Brian pulled the two young men on either side to him, protecting them, or at least the one that really was being affected.

A few seconds later he reached over for the bottle of sparkling wine and pulled them each a glass. Roger sat up, looking for some sort of sign from Deaky as it seemed as if the blonds natural telepathic instincts had been short wired for the moment. John had nodded encouragingly at him, reaching over to squeeze his hand. The blond then looked at Brian and seemed to be sending a message to him but it was blocked and he frowned, biting his lower lip and leaning his back against the guitarists arm. He sighed then sipped the wine. 

Brian chatted idly trying to recall some childhood memories of storms and realizing that he had no idea in the world how Roger felt. He could understand John's feeling about his friend because he knew how the storm affected him. He saw the bassist as a remarkably good person who the drummer obviously loved. That had been one of the question Brian had asked him during their lessons. He had asked Roger if John was his best friend and expecting a yes or no answer got the message back clear as a blue sky,

'Deaky is the love of his life.'

"Rog?" John and Roger were half asleep from the wine. The storm still rages which was unusual as they would normally move away, not hover over the captial. The drummer had a slightly drunk, dreamy look on his face. He obviously felt better having Brian there to be close to but each clap of thunder made him frown as if he had a headache and his friend was getting concerned.

"Rog? Do you want to go somewhere calmer?" The bassist lifted his head from the pillow and took a sip of his wine. No one had spoken for a few minutes, enjoying the quiet connection they had.

Brian looked at the bassist and then the drummer, puzzled. The blond had nodded at his friends suggestion and looked at Brian for a moment. 

"Bri, Roger can take us away from here for a few minutes. I think we should let him, this once." The brunettes voice was compelling and without further explanation Brian nodded assent. Life with these two was too magical to be ignored.

"Let Roger do the work. Just close your eyes and hold his hand." John directed. 

The two layed their heads on Brian's shoulder and each clasped his hands. He had closed his eyes, wondering if anything would happen, really. Were they all just a little drunk from the wine?

He loved the feeling of their closeness, though. It was enough for him. Being part of this delicate balance between the three of them. He had opened his eyes, expecting to see the bedroom, the candles, the quilts and empty bottle of wine.

Instead he saw trees and woods and a flowing stream. Was that a waterfall in the background? The air was both warm and cool, the smell of delicate flowers. He looked at his two fellow travellers, still on either side of him. Roger was sitting up and smiling and lifting his head up to the sun peaking through the mantle of leaves above them. He had turned to look at Brian and John and his blue eyes seemed impossibly bluer and his hair more golden as he stood up and held his hands out to the other two.

Brian felt his heart beating and realized they were all naked and standing near a small stream. The blond had his arms out to both of them and as he and John nuzzled his neck he dropped his head back and closed his eyes as the three dropped slowly with him to the soft carpet of leaves. 

All Brian would ever be able to recall after was the feeling of hands and soft lips and sighs and moans as the three of them pulled together in breathless wantonness under a warm sun and cool breeze. He remembered the cool stream after and the soft kisses bestowed on cooled skin. There were no words but words were heard. Words of love and sweetness and something not of this earth. 

Brian woke lazily, in Roger and John's bed. The candles had burned out. The sun was struggling through the curtains. He kissed the top of the blond head on his one shoulder and kissed the brunette head on his other shoulder. The quilts and pillows were on the bed. The wine bottles and glasses neatly lined up on the desk. Was it a dream? He touched the blonds naked shoulder. Pouty lips smiled and blue eyes looked into his for a moment before closing again. The brunette in turn lifted his head and place a soft kiss on his neck. He realized he was holding both Roger and John's hands in his against his chest. The three of them had damp hair and he remembered the cool stream. It hadn't been a dream. It had happened. He sighed and closed his eyes wondering if he could ever tell Freddie about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do hope you like this chapter. Please let me know.


	4. Is This Just Fantasy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger and Deaky enjoy playing 'mind games' together but don't like to leave Brian out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK. I have four stories on the go and this seemed the least angsty after Sanctuary. I think we all need some Deaky, Roger, Brian fluff with just a wee bit of mystery in the middle.

Ever since the evening of the storm Brian had been walking around not feeling completely grounded to earth, anymore. It was a mixture of feeling slightly stoned and in love for the first time. For surely, he was in love both Roger and Deaky and it was something he couldn't get his head around.

How many times he had wanted to confide in Freddie who he thought would probably just dissolve into laugher and tell him he was in lust not love. Freddie's great fear was that if the relationship between the two younger musicians became rocky that the band would suffer. To tell him of his own involvement would just make him worry even more.

During practice or eating dinner or watching a movie it was all the guitarist could do but keep his eyes off the two roommates. Though they were no relation to eachother and one was brunette and one off blond there was a striking similarity between the two. It was probably due to their perfect connection to eachother and just the fact that they had included him was amazing to him. He didn't realize that the fact they could include him was amazing to them.

Roger glanced over at Deaky who was immersed in the plot of the action movie they were watching with Freddie and Brian. The drummer liked to play little 'mind games' with the bassist when the brunettes attention was elsewhere. He would interfere with what Deaky was watching by sending him a love message. Sometimes it worked.

John was mindlessly eating popcorn as the film progressed. There was a particularly tense bit when suddenly John frowned, and nearly spit out a mouthful of popcorn. The blond had gotten through to him and smirked when he saw the blush creep up the bassists face.

"You, okay?" Freddie asked slapping the brunette on his back as bits of popcorn went flying.

"Uh, huh. Yep, thanks." John nodded noticing Brian giving him a quizzical look.

Brian looked over at the drummer who was idly eating his popcorn looking as innocent as could be and then stretched his arms and yawned. There was nearly twenty minutes left of the film when the blond waved them good night.

John looked from the tv to the retreating back of the drummer and decided to play a little game of his own and watch the end of the film. But ten minutes later he was saying goodnight, too.

"But the film hasn't finished yet." Freddie announced to the bassists back and Brian had to smile to himself.

"What are you grinning about?" Freddie raised his eyebrows..

"Oh, nothing." Brian took a sip of his beer to stop from smirking.

A few minutes later John came quickly out of the bedroom and went towards the kitchen asking if there was any orange juice left. Brian jumped up immediately and asked John what was wrong. He told him that Roger's blood sugar had dropped and he was shaking and it was his fault he hadn't paid attention to what the blond was eating.

Brian couldn't quite fathom how John could think it was his fault and followed him into the bedroom where the drummer was sitting on the floor as if he had fallen there and John was crouched beside him holding the carton of orange juice to his lips.

"Slowly, Rog.' He was instructing and Brian watched as slowly the colour came back into the drummers face.

"Sorry." Roger spoke the word and looked at Brian and John.

"I should have been paying attention, Rog." The brunette apologised and got up. "I'll get you something to eat, okay?" He left the room and the drummer shook his head.

"I feel so dumb when that happens." He sighed and looked embarrassed.

"You're talking." Brian sat on the edge of the bed. Hearing the drummers voice was a treat for him. He loved the quiet, raspy tone.

"If my blood sugar drops I can't use my other skills." The blond shrugged and bit his lower lip. "Deaky shouldn't feel responsible, it's my own fault." He put his head to one side and smiled at the guitarist.

Freddie was in the kitchen helping John find something suitable for a quick snack and John came back with a plate of cheese and crackers and a sliced up apple. Freddie followed with a glass of milk.

"I checked and it is fresh." he laughed. Milk in the flat was known to go off before used so it was always best to sniff it first.

They all watched with concern as the drummer nibbled at his snack.

Roger looked at each one of them and then back at John. He tried to send him a message and smiled when the musical notes were returned. He looked at Brian and sent a message. it took a bit longer, but he received the message back.

Freddie watched this with a frown. He didn't feel ready to join in this game they all played. 

Later, the two younger musicians were in their comfortable double bed wearing tee shirts and underwear and wrapped in eachothers arms. John had put the radio on very low to a classical music station and the two were listening to it together. Listening to this kind of music helped clear their minds at night. They tried not to 'talk' telepathically or verbally once in bed and had learned how to communicate their feelings towards eachother by intertwining their fingers. It was a new skill they had that was all their own and could never be shared.

Roger and John always woke a little earlier then anyone else, probably because they went to bed earlier and slept very well as long as they were together. But this week they would both be going to their girlfriends for the weekend. John's girlfriend lived in Leicester and Roger's closer by in Knightsbridge. They planned it this way so neither of them would feel alone when they weren't together. The girlfriends, who did communicate with eachother had figured it out long ago and went along with the plan. They were sure the two boys were unaware that they knew, so it was a shared secret. 

The younger musicians wanted to make the best of their time together so this morning after using the bathroom and brushing their teeth they were sitting up in bed at right angles to eachother, Roger leaning against the wall his legs over Johns legs, his feet sticking out at the edge of the bed. John had brought a plate of sliced fruit and yogurt for them both and after they ate the two boys they settled down to what they called 'work'.

At least once a week they tried to send more complicated messages to eachother. The ones they normally sent, that Brian could mostly comprehend were quite rudimental and were okay for everyday communication but they couldn't help but try to build on what they could do already. 

'You go first." Roger spoke softly and John nodded taking the blonds hand and they both closed their eyes. 

John couldn't help himself and sent the simple message. "I love you." which made the blond smile but he still kept his eyes closed. 

Roger sent back "You're not being serious, this morning." 

"Can't help myself." John squeezed his hand and the drummer opened his eyes and sighed, putting his head to one side. 

"Fifteen minutes and we can take a break, okay?" Roger closed his eyes again and sent such a difficult message the bassist swore it gave him a headache to decipher. 

"Come here." The message was especially musical with more affection in the words. John did as he was told and snuggled into Roger's arms. The fifteen minutes had passed and that was about all they could take, anyway. They spent another few minutes in silence, their fingers intertwined, small pressures sending non verbal messages that only they could ever understand. 

John felt for a moment as if he was drifting away on a cloud in Roger's arms. He opened his eyes slowly and did indeed see nothing but a soft blue around and above and below the two of them. He could hear their own heartbeats at first separate and then beating together. He looked into the deep blue eyes, fringed with dark lashes and felt soft lips on his before he closed his eyes again and drifted off to sleep.

Brian could hear the two younger musicians moving about in the room next to his. He'd been thinking about the two of them and how different it would be while they were away for the long weekend. To keep himself busy he had offered to paint theid room for them and all three had decided on a light blue colour.Freddie had laughed about the decorating adding that the guitarist wouldn't need a ladder to reach the ceiling. 

Roger had gone with Brian to the DYI store and on the way back they had stopped at a cafe for coffee. It was one of the few times that Brian heard the drummers speaking voice and didn't want to break the moment. He suspected it was because it would be awkward not to and the blond was very polite.

"Thanks for doing this for us." The drummer smiled, showing perfect white teeth. Somehow, his eyes seemed bluer today and Brian felt unbearably attracted to him. He tried not to recall the adventure he had with them the night of the storm. 

"Well, it will keep me busy while your both away." There. He had admitted it. Roger leaned over to him and for an instant the guitarist had the urge to kiss the slightly parted lips.

"You got a letter this morning?" Roger indicated the taller mans jacket pocket where thhe white corner of an envelope stuck out.

"I almost forgot about." Brian shook his head and the soft brown curls brushed his cheeks.

The drummer suddenly looked anxious and sigbed. 

"Whats wrong, Roger?" Brian pulled out the envelope and lay it on the table between them. The blond sat back quickly and picked up his coffee mug but didn't driink from it. It was as if he didn't want his hands anywhere near the envelope.

Brian quickly put the envelope, postmarked Scotland into his pocket again and the blond visibly relaxed.

They spent the next few minutes chatting about the band and songwriting. Roger told him that John always laughed at the songs he wrote but he ways of getting back. Brian couldn't help but wonder, how?

Brian was just wondering if he should get up when there was a light tapping on his bedroom door follwed by Deaky asking if he was awake.

"Sure." He sat up pushing two pillows at his back. Roger and Deaky were in the doorway and the guitarist thought they looked sleep tousled angels as they slipped into his bed on either side of him. He didn't know what to say but really, words were not needed. 

The soft musical notes almost overwhelmed him as they were coming from both of them at the same time they pulling off their clothes. He closed his eyes and let them remove his t shirt and pyjama bottoms and then it was like that first night. Soft kisses and sighs. He held the blonds head so he could kiss him and then Deaky. The two had simultaneously pulled their long locks over one shoulder and he watched as they intertwined their fingers for a few moments, looking into eachothers eyes.

Brian felt so aroused by the two them as they leaned over his chest to kiss eachother and then one after the other kiss him. Roger was kissing his chest, moving down to his flat tummy and finally soft lips took in his hardness as Brian kissed Deaky longingly, moaning into his mouth. He could never tell which one he wanted most but he knew it was both. 

He watched as they touched eachother, their fingers softly stroking their erections, Rogers head was thrown back exposing his smooth neck for Brian to kiss as the guitarist wrapped his long fingers over theirs, moving to their time. The musical notes were still there but words had been replaced by feelings that took shape in a prism of soft colours as they climaxed together, lips soft on warm skin.

Brian had gotten up first to fetch a warm wash cloth for them. He tenderley looked after them and then the three fell into a deep slumber, this time with Roger in the middle.

Brian closed his eyes as Deaky gave the blond an innocent kiss on the pouty lips and pushed his face into the warm shoulder. There fingers once more intertwined and Brian lay his hand over theirs. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment if you like the story or have any ideas for going forward as to what you would like to see happen


	5. Escape from Reality

Queen had just finished another successful tour, this time in the south of England and after a meeting with the EMI execs also had a future recording contract. Things were looking up and they were all hopeful that soon money wouldn't be such an issue as it was now.

Freddie had gone on a short holiday with his family so that Brian and the two younger musicians had the flat to themselves. Tonight they were hanging out in Brian's room listening to music and sipping wine from coffee mugs. Roger had lit a dozen candles and turned off the lights so there was a magic quality. It seemed to help them all as they practiced their telepathy with Brian who got better at it each day. Roger was excited by the fact that Brian may have more of a gift then he did which on the other hand worried John whose bond with the drummer was so strong but sometimes seemed fragile when outside influences intervened. And Brian was, to John an outside influence.

Roger was always aware of John's feelings. Everyone thought, because he was blond that he was the delicate one but really it was Deaky. Deaky with the beautiful brown wavy hair and the kindest eyes and slightly crooked lips. Roger had fallen in love with him the first time he had seen him at 16. John's parents had died and Roger's father, a widower, had taken him in as his parents were close to him when he was growing up and there were no other relatives. The boys were immediate best friends, both unaware the feeling they had for one another were reciprocated for quite some time. They had realized the power they had to communicate quite be accident and from that moment their affection for eachother knew no bounds.

Roger and John snuggled up to Brian, propped up on the pillows from both their rooms. There was a cozy, warm atmosphere surrounding them as they took a break from their 'lessons'. Roger and John leaned close in to Brian, enjoying the guitarists comforting presence. He made them feel safe and secure, something they hadn't realized they were lacking or even needed till they had it.

Brian loved looking at Roger's legs and ass in the tight jeans, marvelling on how he could possibly have shimmied himself into them and fantasizing on how he would get them off him if he wasn't such a gentleman.

John on the other hand was so attractive in a different way, with the long wavy hair and soft brown eyes and soft lips compared to Roger with the pouty pink lips and long dark eyelashes framing deep blue eyes. If he had been forced to choose it would be impossible so he was happy to have both and not have to choose.

Since they had first played gigs together the blond drummer would take his final bows, drumsticks held high in one hand, Brian's arm around him while Freddie and John did the same, John holding his bass in the air before a roadie snatched it from him and they all left the stage. From that moment the two younger band members were together as if just being that far apart on stage was too much for that length of time. They would go back to their hotel room after each gig, after attending any after party. They were a big attraction for the numerous girls that came to the parties and Roger wearing tight jeans and a black leather jacket, his blond hair falling over his shoulder seemed to attract the most notice. But the two boys always went back to the hotel together.

The day before Roger and John had been discussing how well Brian was doing with the telepathy lessons. Maybe, he really was going to be better then them? This was an idea they had over the years. The person who could do this would be their Guardian Angel. They had made up the title years ago to bequeath on the person eligible for it and that was certainly going to be Brian. He was older then them and knew so much more and made them feel safe when he was around. Roger being so aware of any danger surrounding or approaching them was especially grateful for another person to take the burden. He hated the feelings he got sometimes and though he realized it was a gift he sometimes sincerely wished he didn't have it.

The problem was whether to tell him or not. It might be a bit daunting to be told that and have expectations put upon you so they decided to keep it to themselves and as much as he made them feel safe and secure they would make him feel their love and affection. Tonight was no exception.

Earlier in the day they had discussed the letter that was haunting the guitarist ever since it had arrived over 2 weeks ago. Rogers wariness about him opening it had really alarmed the older musician and he seriously thought about destroying it unopened but just couldn't make himself do it. So, after arriving back from their tour all four sitting together around the kitchen table, Brain opened it. Before reading it he had looked into Roger's eyes that seemed even bluer then before. Brian realized that the drummer's eyes always became bluer when he was using his abilities to their fullest.

The other three held their breath as Brian opened the letter from a firm of solicitors in Scotland. Brian read the 3 paragraphs the letter consisted of twice and set the letter down as if he had been burned.

"Well?" Freddie could not stand the suspense.

"It says someone called Robert O'Brian is claiming to be my father. He's been trying to find me for the last year. I don't understand, though. I have a father. A perfectly good one, at that." He looked at Freddie, Roger and John in turn. No one spoke for a moment till Roger, who was usually so quiet was forceful in his statement.

"Destroy it and don't contact them, Bri. It's not a good thing. Please." He was almost begging the guitarist who by now had faith in the drummers abilities and tore the letter into shreds and dropping it into the sink set a match to it. He looked back at Roger expecting for him to look relieved but he didn't. The drummer and bassist were looking at eachother worriedly and Brian thought this probably wouldn't be the end of it.

But this evening, the wine was making them feel mellow and Brian, not realizing he had almost fallen asleep felt small, soft wet kisses on his neck and then felt the same on his face, this time different lips. He moaned into the kisses as he held his hands around each neck in turn, their hair tickling his nose before they both pulled their hair over their shoulders.

"What would make you happy, Bri?" John whispered seductively in his ear and he looked into those beautiful brown eyes.

"I want to watch you both." He whispered back almost shocked at himself but apparently this didn't shock the two younger men. Smiling at eachother and standing up they started to undress eachother in front of him. Each time a piece of clothing was removed, they kissed eachother till they were naked and aroused. Looking into eachothers eyes all the time they sent little messages to eachother about what was happening and how they felt. How they loved to feel and see eachother and how happy it made them that Brian wanted to watch them.

Brian watched through lustful eyes as they ran their hands delicately over eachothers bodies till they stood face to face their hands clasped together at their sides, their heads turned to look at the guitarist who, still dressed patted the bed beside him. The two younger musicians crawled back onto the bed and facing eachother on either side and in front of his drawn up legs, sat back on their heals and continued caressing eachother. It occurred to Brian that the two maybe never had sex together before and this was the extent of their lovemaking up to now.

Roger felt like he was floating away with Deaky, he loved him so much. He pulled himself closer to the brunette and their hips grinded together causing a friction that they couldn't stop. Deaky moaned into his mouth their tongues sliding over eachothers in a dirty kiss. They could almost feel Brian's lustful eyes on them and knew he was restraining himself from touching them or himself. They took hold of eachothers cocks, spreading the pre cum from the tip to the base, and sliding their calloused fingers up and down excruciatingly slowly. Roger's hips jerked and he buried his face in John's sweaty shoulder, only the tip of his nose showing under the damp blond hair.

John stroking back the blonds hair gazed into the lust blown eyes, aware of only the two of them bringing eachother to the final climax, warm and wet and exhausted as they collapsed back on the bed still holding their arms around eachother, shuddering together a second orgasm.

Brian lay back on the pillows feeling as if he had felt every touch and kiss. John and Roger were still half asleep at his feet, Roger cradled in the bassists arms. Brian slid off the bed, his jeans felt unbearably tight from his hard on but he got a wet cloth from the bathroom to clean up the two boys and then returning it to laundry basket he pulled his clothes off quickly and got back into bed where John and Roger joined him. It wasn't long before he felt someone's calloused fingers gently take hold of his erection and then another hand joined that one and he knew even through closed eyes the feel now of Roger's tongue licking his lower lip, begging him to open his mouth and he felt a slippery, warm tongue curl around his as other lips teased a nipple till he was a groaning, moaning mess and came quickly in the warm hand, for it seemed like forever till he fell asleep exhausted, his two angels curled up peacefully, next to him.

Roger had woken later that evening aware of his heart pounding. He felt for John's hand and found it on Brian's chest. He intertwined their fingers, leaving soft pressures and felt the answering pressure back. It calmed him down immediately. Brian's letter was still bothering him, but John's reassuring presence with their Guardian Angel calmed him enough to go back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter.  
> Please leave a kudo or comment. I'd love to hear from you.


	6. You are My True Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is Roger and Deakys special night together. They have been building up to this over their young years and the evening that Roger has planned leaves nothing to chance.

Roger wasn't sure how to tell Brian that he may have more of a gift then even he or Deaky had. Though the guitarist thought that he was slow in learning, the fact was that he was amazingly quick. He got little things wrong but got the big picture that the drummer was trying to convey. At first, Roger was worried about letting John know this. He never wanted the brunette to feel the least bit jealous of anyone taking his attention away from him. It wasn't that John was possessive of him it was just their closeness meant they could feel what the other one did at any given time. Especially, when fooling around in bed like the other night with Brian. It was as if they could all three feel each others pleasure including how Brian felt watching them. It made the drummer catch his breath thinking about it.

Roger and John had never shared themselves with anyone before mentally or physically and it seemed amazing that they had joined a band where the one person they could conceivably imagine doing this with was living with them. Roger realized that night that it was possible for Brian to hear their thoughts to eachother or just about. It was both exciting and scary.

Yes, they needed his protection. But protection from what he would ask them. The answer would be 'themselves'. The chance that they could meld into one, lose themselves to the gift they had and crash. The someone that they needed had always been referred to as their Guardian Angel. Roger had decided on the name. He liked the sound of it as it was not of this earth. They each thought it must be Brian because who else could make them feel so safe and sheltered but him? They knew that the night of the storm. But how could they tell him? It may seem like a burden and they weren't sure yet how to go about conveying their wish for him to take this on when really, he already had. He just didn't know. Or did he?

***

The band had a couple of late nights that week as they had been booked for several gigs just out of London so what the travelling and inevitable after parties. Roger and John's original fan base followed them everywhere and because of their loyalty to the pair a few of them were allowed into the parties. Most of them were girls, and most of them hung around Roger. His cheeky grin and edgy look with the leather jacket and a cigarette dangling from his lips just egged them on. Brian and Freddie laughed because at home the drummer was not edgy but sweet and didn't walk around with a cigarette in his mouth all evening. It was a pose and worked and kept the fans faithful to him.

"He sure knows how to work it, doesn't he?" Freddie said aside to Brian as the blond walked in the after party with 3 or 4 girls in tow. Deaky was standing near him with a drink in his hand looking with pride at his friend and shaking his head. The drummer could single handedly draw a crowd on his own.

The late nights were catching up on them as well as the laundry and now Roger and John were in their bedroom each sitting on their bed with a basket of newly dried laundry to sort and fold. They shared each others socks and t shirts mostly. Roger sat, his denim covered legs apart with single pairs of socks layed across them and each time he picked up one matched it from one from his legs and tossed it in the sock basket. He was taking his time doing it because it was raining outside and Deaky was sitting next to him folding tee shirts and humming to himself and he had something he wanted to talk to him about. The thing was he wasn't sure how to bring the subject up because sorting laundry wasn't very sexy and....

"Deaks." Roger stood up, sending socks dropping to the floor. John looked up at him puzzled but after gazing into the blonds eyes for a moment he stood up and faced him. The drummer had taken hold of John's hands in his and taken a deep breath. Just for a brief moment the bassist had felt panic, not knowing where this was going. What did Roger want to talk about because it seemed serious. The rain was the only sound in the room. 

Roger interlaced his fingers with John's and the soft pressures sent the message he wanted. John closed his eyes and smiled his crooked smile and Roger pressed his forehead against his and sighed. He had set the mood for what he wanted to say but he needed to speak this time to make sure he was understood. 

"Deaks," He wrapped his arms around the bassists waist. The brunette opened his eyes to look into the blonds. They were nose to nose. "The other night with Brian was really nice." Roger felt he was making an understatement. It was very hot, not just nice.

"And I think he was expecting us to go further then we did." He stopped, gazing into the beautiful grey eyes. 

"I want us to go further then we did," he whispered into the brunettes ear and got a slow smile in return.

"Are you sure?" John put his head to one side. This was something they had discussed a long time ago and decided they would know when the time was right. The time must be right. John could feel his heart racing. 

"When?" He asked quietly. Did Roger mean now? All his telepathic abilities had seemingly gone out the window. He looked into the eyes of the love of his life and felt his heart melting. 

"Mmmm." Roger raised his eyes. "Soon. This week? When everyone's gone."

"Shouldn't we be a bit more spontaneous, Rog?" John chuckled causing the blond to frown playfully. 

"No." Roger shook his head. This is special. We need to plan." He said it seriously and John tried to suppress a smile. Roger liked to plan things that were important to them both. There would be candles and wine and he would make sure they weren't disturbed. Just the thought aroused the bassist and he nuzzled the blonds neck, breathing in his warm, sweet skin, causing the other man to shiver in his arms as he did the same back.

"So, if we're planning, who will be, you know?" John frowned. The blond smiled and lowered his eyelashes over the deep blue eyes. He lay his head on the brunettes shoulder and looked up at him coyly.

"Oh," John smiled at him and kissed the top of the blond head. 

Brian had his own chores to do and one of them was cleaning his room. He had pulled out the bed to sweep underneath it and found his missing pair of reading glasses and an old sock. He was just crawling under the other side to rescue a packet of biscuits when he heard the knock at the flat door. He waited a few seconds, expecting Roger or John to answer it but their bedroom door was closed when he went by so he paced through the livingroom, wondering who it was at on a Sunday morning.

There was an older man wearing a bankers suit and carrying a brief case standing before him. "Mr May? Mr. Brian May?" the older man frowned and peered at him over the top of his glasses.

Roger had suddenly pulled away from John and looked towards the bedroom door. He had a strange look in his eyes and it worried his friend. "Rog?" he put his hand on his arm but the blond shook his head. 

Brian closed the door after the solicitor left. It had been a confusing conversation. This man in Scotland was claiming he was Brian's real father and was terminally ill and was going to leave his wealth to him. His only son, apparently. Brian found it almostimpossible to believe. He turned around after closing the door and saw Roger with John close behind him. The look in the blonds face was one he had never seen before. Almost ferocious and scared at the same time. John had come up behind the blond and slid his arms around him from behind. 

"Rog." He whispered. "It's ok." 

Brian dropped the manila envelope he had in his hand and walked the few steps to the drummer. He place his hands gently on the blonds shoulder as John pulled away and allowed the guitarist to take over.

"Both of you, come and sit on the couch with me," he said gently and took Roger's hand leading him to the couch. John sat on the other side of him and they both turned their heads as one to look at him.

"I know Roger, that you can see danger. But you don't have to by yourself. "He looked at them both kindly. "I can sense it, too and I think." he took both their hands in his. "That you two need to stop worrying about all this." He wasn't sure what he meant by 'all this' but apparently the two younger musicians did as they nodded and smiled knowingly at eachother and looked relieved about something.

Brian frowned at them "What?" he asked leaning his head back against the couch back so he could look at them both.

"Roger is always right." John rolled his eyes and sighed. Brian really was going to be their Guardian Angel.

"Should I ask 'right' about what?" He looked at them both fondly.

"We'll tell you later." John answered for his friend and Brian senses some communication going on between them. He didn't like to tell them that if he tried hard enough he could 'hear' them both. He respected their privacy and made a conscious effort not to 'overhear' their telepathic conversations. They had a private world of their own and the mystery of it was quite sexy, he thought.

Freddie and Brian had met later that day for a beer at the local pub and the guitarist had told him about the solicitor turning up at the flat. Freddie was immediately curious but felt it right to mention that Roger had told him not to pursue it.

"I know. I do trust his abilities but I curiosity has got me. " Brian shrugged. "Thing is, I can't talk about it to my parents. If its true then it will just upset them and maybe a marriage that has lasted over 30 years.

"Maybe, talk to Jim about it?" Freddie suggested. Jim was their manager and had a good head on his shoulders. He could check out the voracity of the allegation for them without dragging the family into it.

Brian and Freddie had gone to their once a month poker game with friends which really was a drinking and playing records party but they liked the idea of a card game and sometimes they actually did play a few hands.

This left the flat empty for several hours. Roger had made plans. He loved making plans because otherwise his life was just bouncing from one emotion to another with no stability. Deaky kept him grounded so he could think without all the varying thoughts of danger for his friends that bombarded him constantly and only playing the drums shut out the noise.

He had cleaned the bathroom and their bedroom and placed candles all around both rooms making sure to avoid the curtains. There had been a near disaster once and Deaky still teased him about it. The wine, 2 bottles, were 'airing' and he looked around to see if he had missed anything but heard John's voice in the livingroom. He had been doing some errands himself to make himself busy as he knew the blond would want time to get everything ready. It was like planning a wedding night, John thought to himself and blushed thinking it kind of was.

Before Brian and Freddie had left the guitarist had asked John if he and Roger had anything special planned and was amused to see the bassist blush to the roots of his hair. "Oh". Brian had thought to himself and chuckled inwardly. He never laughed or teased John or Roger about their relationship like he may have done with another couple. He recognized it as something precious.

'Rog!" John looked around their bedroom. It had turned into a magical place with candled of varying sized dotted all over the flat surfaces and Roger looking at him with such pride in his work. He hugged the drummer to him and looked into the deep blue eyes, communicating his pleasure about what was to come.

"I love you so much," John whispered in his ear and got the responding musical notes back which somehow were more sexy then just words.

After they had slowly undressed eachother Roger led his lover to the bathroom and turned on a warm shower. The blond knew how much John liked him naked under the water. They clasped hands, facing eachother under the warm water and began gently washing eachothers hair. They took their time, feeling eachothers scalps tenderly, communicating with their fingers. Then the body wash and gently running their hands over eachother till they were very aroused. Roger leaned against the shower wall, one leg wrapped around John's thighs, kept steady with John's knee as stretched his neck out to be kissed and sucked. 

After drying eachother carefully and almost seductively they walked hand in hand back to their bedroom and Roger pulled back the covers of their double bed but John, still standing, pulled the blond towards him to look at his body, running his fingers lightly over the drummers skin, sending shivers through him as he leaned his head forward to fall on the brunettes shoulder, his eyes closing in pleasure. John knew what his friend liked. Could feel through the pressure of his fingertips on the back of his hand, how much he was enjoying this.

John took the blonds face between his hands and looked into the deep blue eyes sending the message that he loved him more then anything in the world. That his life was his. That they belonged to eachother forever. The message came back. "You are my true love'.

John got tears in his eyes. It almost hurt to love someone so much and know they felt the same.

Roger ran his fingers through John's hair. "You are so beautiful." He whispered. He felt his heart pounding in his chest as he looked into the soft grey eyes and placing his hands on John's hips pulled him closer and kissed him deeply till they could hardly breath.

The candles flickered in the darkness, throwing shadows on the walls. It was as if they were in another time and place and not in a flat in Kensington. The two young men fell onto the bed as one. This was the night together they had wanted. Alone and peaceful and knowing it was right. John was still worried about hurting his lover and promised he would be gentle and let him know if he wanted to stop.

The blond looked into his eyes, transmitting he knew he would never hurt him. That he trusted him with his life and his love. John kissed his neck, moving down to his chest and teasing each nipple with his tongue causing him to to arch his back. Johns mouth left wet kisses on his stomach and down to the inside of his thighs where his skin was soft and delicious to taste. His eyes, half closed, as John reached for the lube and then he felt the first, gentle finger nudging into him. For a moment he held his breath. He knew the first few minutes would probably be unpleasant but he had meant to not show it. He didn't want John to feel uncertain. But the brunette, of course, could feel everything he could. 

"Rog?" John stopped lookin at the blonds half closed eyes. "Do you want me to stop?" He asked softly but Roger shook his head. "I can take the pain, too." He whispered, clasping one of the blonds hands in his and after a moment he could feel the pain, too but it was subsiding as he did and he carefully pushed in a second finger, feeling the same burn and having to stop, himself.

Roger, realizing that John was halving his pain, looked once again into the grey eyes and reaching his hand up stroked back the brunettes hair, pulling around to one shoulder and slightly tugging it. John smiled at him and sighed as he curled his fingers inside the blond, finding the sweet spot that caused Roger's hips to lift. Just as the blond felt it, so did he as he held the fingers, tightly in his with one hand, leaning on his elbow.

Rogers blond hair was damp around his face. His breathing was in short bursts as he begged John for more and the brunette felt the others need equally and responded, moving his fingers gently in and out, almost crying himself as the feeling overwhelmed him. 

"Now, Deaks. Please now." Roger begged him and felt his stomach muscles tighten again as his lover nudged his cock in slowly, still holding his fingers in his, so any pain or pleasure he felt would be shared. He felt as one with his gentle lover whose eyes had closed as he concentrated on not hurting him and sharing his experience with him. It was an odd thought that flashed through his mind, that If he died at this moment he would never have been happier. He gasped as he thought this, not wanting Deaky to catch the thought, but he hadn't as he was too busy concentrating on giving the blond pleasure as if his own life depended upon it. 

John smiled as the same smile crept across the blonds face. He felt Roger's legs wrap around his waist, his heels digging into his back, making him go deeper and as he did he was aware they were feeling eachothers euphoria. 

Roger entangled his other hand in John's hair, slightly tugging it as they rocked together, slowly. Nothing was rushed. The slower they were the more exciting it was and by now their chests were sweaty and their breathing was coming in short bursts.

John took his hand away from the blonds and stroked his cock as he felt the pressure build up and the blond twitch in his hand. "Now, Deaks. Now." Roger whispered, tugging the brunettes hair harder as they moaned into eachothers mouths, their tongues sliding together. Roger wrapped his fingers around John's making him go faster as his hips bucked and he came over both their hands and his stomach and John gasped as that was all ne needed to let go himself and shudder into his climax inside the blond.

Roger felt swore he came twice as he felt the others orgasm after his and wrapped his legs even tighter around Johns waist to keep him inside of him as long as possible. It was a feeling he couldn't let go of. Not yet.

John was careful and loving with his aftercare and rubbed a rose scented soap into a warm, wet washcloth that he took back to their bedroom to clean up his lover and then hold him tightly in his arms.

The candles still flickered as they lay together in silence, their fingers intertwined, Roger's head on his lovers shoulder. John, smoothed the damp blond hair back and kissed the warm forehead. He was almost overwhelmed with love for him. How brave he was because he had not complained about the initial pain and had kept sending messages of love to him despite being uncomfortable to start. He suddenly felt tears on his chest and looked down at the blond who was indeed crying.

"Rog! Whats worng? Did I hurt you?" He panicked whispered to the blond who lifted his head and looking at him with those beautiful blue eyes and shook his head and sending the message in the most loving notes that he loved him, that's why he was crying.

"Oh," John nodded. He had taken himself away from their bond for a moment and now he was back. His own thoughts had blocked Rogers and the blond had felt it and it had made him feel alone. "I'm sorry, angel." He whispered. "I'm here." he squeezed the fingers that lay on his chest. He had to be careful and remember always how precious Roger's love for him was.

Freddie and Brian had gotten back a little earlier then normal. The flat was quiet but that didn't mean anything as Roger and John didn't talk up a storm at the best of times. Brian saw the one empty wine bottle by the rubbish bin and a corkscrew holding another cork so the two younger musicians must be having their own party. He wanted to knock on their door to say hello but something stopped him.

Freddie had gone to the loo and came out laughing as he said their were about a dozen candles in their. He rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

Roger and John were sitting up in bed, each holding a wine glass with a plate of cheese and crackers between them. Classical music played on the radio as John held his arm around Roger's shoulders. He knew the blond wanted to repeat their earlier lovemaking but told him he would be too sore but they could still 'do something later' he teased him. The blond had almost looked pouty and then agreed as he knew John was right. 

"Do you think Brian still wants to watch us?" John looked down at the blond and pressed his lips together as Roger looked up at him with a very naughty look in his eyes and nodded. They must visit their angel soon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like this chapter please let me know. I'm writing this on a very snowy day in Vancouver and couldn't think of anything more warming then these two making love.


	7. Brian's Angels

Brian couldn't get the image of Roger and John out of his mind since the last time they had visited him in his room. He couldn't even think of them individually, anymore. He kept replaying in his head the night the two had come to his room and he had watched them make out. It had been beyond exciting. He hadn't realized before but he guessed he must be a bit of a voyeur. A bit? He couldn't wait to see these two again. It was something about their innocence that made it so hot to see them together but other then dropping an enormous hint he had to be content to wait for them to decide to visit him again.

The last two weeks had been hectic. They had a recording contract now and were assembling together their best songs for the first day at the studio. They had two major gigs in London and there had even been a piece done in Melody Maker about them. This, of course had causes a lot of stress on the two younger musicians and Roger in particular was starting to look tired and distracted. He always kept close to the bassist, however and the telepathy lessons with Brian had been put on hold.

It was pretty much their first day with nothing to do at the flat. Freddie had gone to visit his parents and sister overnight and Brian was reorganizing his books and records in his room. Roger and John had gone clothes shopping. Roger's favourite pastime was buying clothes and would then leave it to the bassist to find a place in the closet for them. Today was no different. The two had come back laden with bags. But it was different in there seemed to be some sort of dispute between them and the drummer was looking upset and cross. The bassist looked fed up and cranky and as Brian popped his head down the hall, a door slammed and lock turned leaving John outside the door, his hands on his hips.

"C'mon Rog. Fuck this." He banged on the door but got no answer. He stood, hands on hips, shaking back his brown wavy hair and pressing his lips together. Catching sight of Brian he apologized then kicked the door with his foot before turning back into the livingroom.

"What happened?" Brian had never once seen the two have the slightest disagreement.

"John rolled his eyes. "Rog says he forgot he had a doctors appointment this morning and I said he just didn't want to go. He hates doing all that blood work stuff. Says its boring and he's fine."

The brunette sat on the couch, his arms crossed. "Anyway, he got upset and stopped talking and now he's in our room with the door locked and what I'm suppose to do? Sit here all day?" John rolled his eyes, looking at the older man.

"Since when did you have a lock on your room?" The guitarist was puzzled.

"Rog, put it on last week." The bassist answered.

"He got someone to do it?" Brian was confused.

"No. he did it himself. He's good at fixing things. Blocked drains, locks, general stuff." John said it like it was quite normal.

"Roger?" Brian frowned. It was impossible to take in. The most unlikely person that could do DIY he'd ever known. Oh, well. He was learning more and more each day about these two.

"I'm sure he'll come around." Brian smiled at the bassist. "Want a coffee? I was just making some." he stood up and went towards the kitchen.

"Yeah, thanks Bri." John stood up and looked determinedly at the bedroom door. Brian watched as he strode over to it and knocked again. The door suddenly opened which almost made the brunette lose his footing and a hand grabbed his arm pulling him in before the door shut again. Brian waited a few moments but there was silence. He guessed they had made up.

Brian had just poured the coffee out when John appeared in the kitchen door, his hair a bit of a mess and a smug look on his face. 

"Hi Bri. Uh, if you want to come over to our room in a bit. Rog is doing his usual light show with the candles." He smirked.

"Uh, sure." Brian was about to ask if he could bring anything. Was there still a bottle of wine in the bottom of his old trunk? His heart was racing. Light show meant all the candles were lit and that meant the blond was feeling... what was he feeling? Brian dumped the coffee as John went back to the room. It was 7 pm, not too early to grab a shower. He quickly undressed in the bathroom and showered, washing every square inch of himself. What was the appropriate wear for visiting your two youngest bandmates who you hoped you could watch making out? He decided on pyjama bottoms and a tee shirt. Easy to remove later. If there was a 'later'.

Brian knocked gently on the bedroom door after carefully placing the wine and 3 glasses on the hall table.

"Come in," He heard John's voice and slowly opened the door. The sight was amazing. Indeed it was a light show with candles dotted all over the room. Someone had put a pile of quilts and pillows on the floor and the room was cozy and smelled of candle wax. The candle flames were casting dancing shadows on the walls.

John was sitting on the floor, leaning against the side of the bed, Roger was sitting facing him, his legs wrapped around the bassists waist, his head on his shoulder, the long blond hair covering his face, so only the tip of his nose was showing He looked up at Brian slowly, his eyes half closed with lust. They were both still dressed and again Brian was amazed that the drummer could move in those tight jeans. He felt like he had probably walked in on a makeout session. The blonds white button down shirt was unbuttoned and half off one shoulder, his face was flushed and his lips wet and pouty.

Brian felt uncertain standing there as to what he should do. He was interrupting them but then he had been invited. John motioned for him to come over and join them so he stepped over the bassist legs then remembering the wine and glasses went back to retrieve them from the hall table and place them carefully amidst an array of large and small candles. Roger really had worked on his light show.

"Hey, Rog." John was stroking back the blonds hair. "Bri is here, baby." The blond nodded and sighed lifting his head he gave the guitarist a shy smile.

Brian has settled himself beside the two, holding his glass of wine between long fingers, he felt comfortable and peaceful, hanging out with his two angels as he thought of them.

Roger was leaning over to kiss him, his blond hair a curtain over his face and the taller man placed a gentle hand on the drummers jaw as the pouty lips pressed his in a sensuously slow kiss. Brian closed his eyes, nearly tipping over his wine and lay back against the bed. The whole scene seemed so erotic and they were still dressed.

"Baby," John helped the blond off with his shirt and kissed his bare shoulders, holding his hair back to one side to kiss his neck. "Stand up, Rog. I can't get those jeans off you any other way." The brunette smirked as the drummer stood up, a little unsteadily and let the bassist unbutton and pull the zip down on his jeans. He slid his fingers under the waistband at the back and squeezed the round buttocks as he slid the jeans further down and wrapped the fingers of one hand around the top of the blonds thigh, pulling their hips together. Brian felt a faint moan escape from his own mouth but was sure the other two were unaware.

Roger pressed into his lover's chest as his jeans were kicked off and the bassist, both hands on his bottom, squeezed him close leaving wet kisses on his neck and shoulders. He started to pull of John's shirt, without bothering to unbutton it and with skill had undone his jeans and as the bassist stood naked before him he kissed his way down from the narrow shoulders to his chest and then pulled him down with him back onto the pile of quilts and pillows. They were both very much aroused by now Brian watched as they lay side by side, the drummers back closest to him as John's arms wrapped around the blond and the drummers leg slid over the top of his, pulling him closer, making little needy sounds in between kisses.

Brian turned on his side after setting the wine glass down and immediately felt John's arm pulling him closer, his hand sliding under his shirt, and he pulled it off as well as his pyjama bottoms and leaning on his elbow he kissed the bassist with the blond in between, who pouted playfully not to be included and felt two sets of lips on his mouth and shoulders as he sighed and closed his eyes.

John could tell, though that the blond was feeling shy and wasn't sure about being shared between the two. Really, he was only use to John and he touching eachother and it felt odd feeling Brian's hand on his hip, as gentle as it was. He buried his face into John's shoulder, wrapping his arms around his neck for comfort. The bassist wasn't surprised and pulled the blond on top of him for a few moments then let him slide off to his other side so that John was in the middle now. He mouthed 'shy' to Brian who understood and pushing back the brunettes hair over his ear kissed him with a sweet passion.

Brian felt the blonds shyness emanate from him as if he was speaking to him. The blond was feeling vulnerable this evening and what he thought was a good idea seemed too much to handle and he needed to feel safe again with John. He sent a message to Brian that he loved him but needed to be where he was for a bit and John held him close and made soothing noises to him till he could feel Roger's heart beat slow down.

For a few minutes the three lay quietly together, Brian every so often kissing John's shoulder or neck. Roger had put his arm around John's waist and was holding Brian's hand in his, telling him that he was wanted there, with them.

"Baby?" John slid his hand around Roger's thigh, pulling him closer till their cocks were pressed together and the blonds breathing was quickening. He kissed John, moaning into his mouth, his hips thrusting forward, wanting him.

All Roger could think about was John and his love for him and wanting to feel him inside him. His shyness seemed to ease away and be replaced by a passion for the brunette.

Roger wrapped his leg around the bassists waist, letting him know he was ready and at the same time his grip on Brian's hand tightened. The guitarist brought the blonds hand to his lips and squeezed his fingers sending him the message he was lips parting as his eyes became lust blown with desire. Brian had lifted his head slightly to kiss the blonds forehead gently and received a sweet smile back.

"Deaky." Roger moaned into his lovers neck as he felt him enter him with a second finger and hit his sweet spot till he arched his back and his eyes rolled back.

Brian thought he had never seen anyone so beautiful at that moment and as John positioned himself behind Roger after pulling him back over to the middle of he and Brian, pulling his knee over his legs he nudged inside him slowly and the blond leaned his head back to be kissed, stretching out his neck which Brian lost no time in leaving small kisses on as John kissed him deeply.

Roger felt like he was in heaven. Deaky was inside him, holding him close, telling him how much he loved him and Brian was saying loving things to him as well, telepathically. With each trust from Deaky his breath caught and when Johns hand moved from his hip to his cock, pumping it with each movement he wanted to moan into Brian's chest and he clasped Brian's erection in his calloused fingers making the guitarist gasp with pleasure. For a few minutes the only sounds were their breathing and skin against skin till one after another they hit their orgasm, leaving them panting and sweating together.

Afterwards, Roger turned into John's arms. He liked to be held close afterwards, and the bassist cradled him in his arms as Brian snuggled up next to the two of them, his arm protectively around both of them, they fell asleep together.

Brian awoke a few hours later. Joh and Roger were sleeping peacefully. The candles had nearly all gone out and the room smelt of candle wax and sex. It seemed like the two younger musicians hadn't moved an inch. Brian pulled the covers up over their shoulders and kissed each ones forehead, lovingly. He would do anything in the world to protect them. Anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you liked the chapter.  
> 


	8. Where Did You Come From?  Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is in 2 parts and starts to explain how Roger and John got together and how they realized they had telepathic abilities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive any medical mistakes. I am only going by my own experience with low blood sugar when I was in my twenties.

Roger woke up aware something was wrong. He tried to get John's attention but couldn't telepathically because the brunette was asleep. He whispered his name a couple of times but his boyfriend only smiled in his sleep as if he was dreaming. The desperation in the drummers voice reached Brian though, who leaned on his elbow to look over John at the blond.

"Rog, what's wrong?" He asked softly and adjusting his focus from realized that the blond was not well. It skin was pale and perspiring and the fear in his eyes was real. Brian leaned over and held the back of his hand across the blonds forehead. It was indeed damp and clammy feeling. Roger had grabbed Brian's hand and was holding on to it as if he was too scared to let it go. 

"John, wake up." Brian raised his voice slightly to get the brunettes attention. The younger man looked up at the guitarist hovering above him then quickly at Roger who had closed his eyes now that he had someone's attention.

"I'll get the orange juice," The naked guitarist stood up and quickly made his way to the kitchen as John struggled to pull the blond up to a sitting position, cursing himself for not making Roger go to the doctors appointment yesterday. 

Roger was only faintly aware of what was going on. He felt so bad he couldn't speak as if saying John's name had taken all his strength. He vaguely remembered the night before and making love to Deaky with Brian there but he wasn't sure now if that was real or he had dreamed it. John had pulled him up gently till his head rested on his shoulder and the glass of orange juice was held to his lips. The sweetness made him frown but he knew he had to drink it and also knew John would be talking to him about this because it wasn't the first time it had happened. But right now he just wanted to stay like this till his head stopped spinning and his insides settled down. He felt like crying but didn't let himself. 

"It's okay, baby." John was holding him in his arms. The bassist knew how he was feeling because once the drummer had told him what all the symptoms were and had tried to laugh them off. But John didn't think it was funny because it scared both of them each time it happened which was more and more frequently. The thought of Roger falling into a coma scared the life out of his boyfriend and he was determined to get him to the doctor this week for the tests he'd been avoiding. 

Brian had pulled on his pyjama bottoms and was crouched by the two younger men wondering what more he could do. Roger looked so unwell and John hardly looked much better. He had heard about the missed doctors appointment and guessed the bassist was feeling guilty for not insisting Roger go. But Roger was a grown up and how much can you force someone to do something they don't want to do?

John and Roger hadn't yet had the conversation with Brian about him being their Guardian Angel. But John thought that maybe today was appropriate but he first had to tell the older man why Roger and he had the bond they had and where it came from. 

Brian couldn't remember the exact moment it happened but he knew within those few minutes of waking that he had a responsibility to these two. He had gone to the kitchen again to get them all a breakfast snack of chopped fruit and yogurt and even some toast. He carried it back on a tray and place it carefully on the desk chair within reach. He came back with 3 cups of coffee and then got back under the covers with the two younger musicians. John and Roger were still sitting up, there arms around eachother, their naked torsos still pink form sleep. Roger's colour had come back and his fair hair lay in damp tendrils around his face. The two looked like twin angels, only their hair colour being different. 

Brian slid his arm around John's shoulders and the soft grey eyes of the younger man tore themselves away from the blond and looked at him questioningly. After a few moments, he visibly relaxed which caused the blond to open his eyes and look at them both. A slow smile crossed his lips.

Brian wasn't sure how to verbalize what he wanted to say so he sighed and plunged in. The two boys as one looked into his kind hazel eyes and almost held their breath as he pulled them both more closely in his arm.

"I think...this is difficult. I think I need to tell you that I want to look after both of you. You need protecting, don't you? From whatever is outside here." He waved his free arm and two sets of eyes looked at him and then at eachother. They both nodded in unison and Roger held out his hand to him and he took it bringing the fingers to his lips. John turned and looked at the blond in wonder and kissed his forehead,

"It's going to be okay, Rog. Brian knows. He understands. We didn't even have to tell him, did we?" he half chuckled and looked back at the guitarist.

"Tell me what?" He asked softly. Before they could answer Brian looked between the two and he realized there was something so alike about the two that they could almost certainly be related. His eyes went from one to the other trying to figure it out before John spoke.

"You are our guardian angel, of course." The brunette said smiling and hugged Roger closer to him. The blond nodded and sighed, closing his eyes as if he was too tired.

"No, Rog. Come one, you have to eat something." John reached or the one of the dishes of fruit and yogurt and handed it to the drummer who reluctantly sat up and took it, rolling his eyes like a teenager. Both Brian and John laughed.

"Brat." John shook his head. "You have to get this sorted or we can't go on tour, right?" The bassist used irrefutable logic on the drummer who shrugged and did as he was told but frowned at Brian who just shook his head at him. John sure had his hands full sometimes, he thought.

"John, you said that I understood, But what do I understand?" He smiled at them both, wondering what he had got himself into. They called him their guardian angel but he felt a bit odd being called that when he enjoyed watching the two of them makeout together. Not exactly angelic behaviour.

"I think we better tell you later. When Rog feels better, yeah?" The brunette said softly. "You'll understand when we tell you but Rog should be part of it. He knows more then me about everything." 

"Sure, of course." Brian nodded so that his brown curls danced off his face and for a moment the bassist felt an undeniable attraction for him. It almost made his heart stop it was so sudden as if he was seeing him for the first time.

John looked down at Roger sipping his coffee, a strange look in his eyes. His boyfriend caught his breath, wondering what had come over him. He loved Roger more then anything in the world. Maybe it was just the thought of someone else taking responsibility for them. This thing that could get away from them at any moment. 

Roger put his cup down and sighing leaned back against the bed but not against John. He was looking at him from the corner of his eyes, an unreadable expression on his face. John felt the blond moving away from him slightly and then turn on his side, his back to the brunette. 

John had an awful feeling that Roger had felt his feelings for Brian and didn't know what to do. He slid down the pile of quilts and pulled the blond towards him.

"Are you still sleepy, Rog?" He asked gently, his heart pounding in his chest. He got a small nod as an answer. "Do you want me to stay with you?" he kissed the pale naked shoulder after pushing aside a handful of the blonds hair.

"Hhhmmm." Roger looked over his shoulder at him, his blue eyes shaded by the dark lashes. "Mine." He whispered and raised his arm behind his head to pull John's head down to him for a kiss. 

"Yours." John smiled and ran his fingers over the blonds hip and thigh, wrapping his finger around his cock, feeling it harden in his grasp. "I love you so much." John whispered in his ear and as he did he felt Brian's hand on his shoulder, lifting his hair from it to kiss his neck. 

Roger had finally gone to the doctor and had his blood test. They were waiting for the results and it was making everyone edgy. Even Freddie. He adored the blond and could see his humorous side more then anyone. 

Brian had decided to give the younger musicians a treat and take them to his favourite Italian restaurant. Maybe there they could talk and he could find out more about the two of them, After the first two glasses of wine each he thought perhaps he had taken on more then he could handle. 

John had explained that he and Roger had met when the younger boy was14 and Roger was 16. John's parents had died in a plane crash and Roger's father, a widower had been named as John's guardian if anything happened. They had been immediate best friends John explained and at that Roger blushed and nudged him. 

"That was much later, Rog." John grinned. "Behave, now." John squeezed his hand under the table. 

Brian looked from one to the other, listening intently, not uttering a word till they had finished. John did most of the talking and Roger added anything he had forgotten. It was an amazing tale about an old house, old books and a an ancestry chart that made them realize they were related. They had the same great grandfather. Something even Roger's father didn't know as it was on the maternal side. After that they had discovered they had inherited abilities that were once a rumour about that side of the family. The two boys had spent their spare time together in Roger's father's library and found out everything they could about that side of the family along with stories. They had gone to visit elderly aunts and uncles. Anyone that could help them. The two boys got older and had gone to university and become closer. 

Brian sat amazed, his pasta getting cold as he listened to them. Telepathy seemed to have been inherited and they practiced it till they could do it themselves. But life wasn't easy after that. They felt too much and heard too much and they were too young to deal with it. They had always talked about having someone they trusted to stop them from getting carried away. From concentrating on the wrong things. For getting lost in their knowledge. They had decided there was someone out there for them that would help. They knew it sounded very strange that two rock musicians would need this but there it was and there he was and it worked out. He was their Guardian Angel. And their lover. 

Brian asked the waiter for another bottle of wine and after a glass was poured for each of them they clinked glasses to a wordless toast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, please leave a comment if your have any questions, suggestions or just like the story so far.


	9. Where Do You Come From? Part 2

Brian had listened enwrapped with the story that John and Roger told him.

  
10 years ago John's parents had been killed in a plane crash and he'd gone to live with Roger and his father in Cornwall. Roger was an only child and lived in a big, rambling house in the countryside. His father was a businessman and was away quite a bit but spend all of the time he was at home with Roger and now with his friend John. They had a housekeeper who had come to live with them when Roger's mother had died when he was 12 so that it all worked out and the two boys were good company for eachother even though there was an age difference of 2 years.

When John told Brian the story he laughed because he said he thought Roger was a girl at first. Roger punched him on the arm and smirked at him when he said this and blushed.

"Sorry, Rog. You did a bit." John punched him back.

They really were like a couple of adolescents, sometimes, Brian thought to himself. 

The story was fascinating. Roger lived alone with his father and a housekeeper but as much as he could he spent time with his son and then with John and Roger. He had a business doing Electrical Engineering and managed to always bring the boys some little project home that they all could work on. It was John who was the most enthralled and Roger enjoyed watching his friend and his Dad working together and the big wooden table in the kitchen and eventually upstairs to the attic where they had more room and the withering eyes of their housekeeper wouldn't disturb them.

When Roger's father was away they had free access to the library in his study which held a range of books from history to geography, early inventors, But it was at school when they had all been set the task of doing their family trees that the two boys discovered they were distantly related. That led them to finding out more about their relatives and then finding out that there were clairvoyants in the family.

Now, the two had even more reason to be together. They found an old book at the local library about telepathy and started to practice, not really thinking anything would come of it, but it had. They had kept their knowledge from Roger's father though. He was a very practical man and they thought he might scoff at the idea of them pursing their abilities.

The two boys, though two years apart in age had gone to university together and took up music as a hobby which they found helped their ability to communicate with eachother. But early on they had discovered that Roger was able to foresee into the future any problems people close to him might have. It was a scary ability and because of this his relationship with John became even closer the before.

Brian looked from one to the other. There was such an obvious similarity between the two but it was difficult to put into words. He loved to just watch the two of them together. There was something about the looks they exchanged and the way John watched out for Roger even though he was two years younger. Really, the blond looked younger, anyway and had this innocent air about him that John obviously wanted him to keep. No one was sharing Roger. He belonged to John and no one else could touch.

Roger sat next to John as he pretty much told the story about how they met. Occasionally, John would squeeze his fingers under the table and then let go but Roger held onto his fingers the last time and the brunette felt the small pressures on his fingers that sent messages to him as he told Brian their story. The fingers were telling a different story and the bassist was finding it hard to concentrate on what he was telling Brian. He had a feeling that the blond was trying to draw his attention back to him and stopped midway between a sentence to pay attention to him. He sent back the silent message that he loved him and was happy retelling their story because it ended with them being together still. He was rewarded by a shy smile and for an agonizing moment John just wanted to kiss him but couldn't as they were out in public and it wouldn't be a chaste kiss if he did.

Brian watched this play out in the seconds it took and tried not to let on by thought or facial expression he knew what was going on. He looked away and sipped his beer as if thinking about what John had told him. He recognized that the relationship of the two was delicate and not to be interfered with, John belonged to Roger and visa versa. There may be a small jealous streak in the blond but who could blame him? Brian was attracted to both of them. But he was their guardian and it was starting to think maybe he shouldn't have these feeling about them but then again they did instigate these evenings together. But, as he was slightly older should he not participate and being there Guardian Angel was some meant responsibility for them.

'Stop overthinking it, Brian' He told himself. He shuddered to think what Freddie would say about it all but you never knew with Freddie. His biggest worry was the band breaking up over relationships but he quite enjoyed himself when the rehearsals broke into a shouting match with even Roger joining in.

The three boys had walked back to the flat together. John had filled him in some more about the discovery of their abilities and especially Roger but Brian tried to change the subject because he had a very uneasy feeling about Roger. 

Freddie had made dinner for them all not knowing they had already had pasta a few hours earlier. But it worked out perfectly because Roger hadn't eaten that much and he was supposed to eat several small meals a day, anyway. So, Freddie had doled out steamed vegetables with some chicken for him and the blond had looked so happy about this special offering that he gave Freddie a big kiss on the cheek which actually made the singer blush.

"Roger. You are a flirt." He tapped his head with a wooden spoon and kissed the top of the blond head. Everyone laughed and John took a bottle of wine from the cupboard and opened it. Brian was about to protest that they had already shared 2 bottles but they were all together and getting along and he really was kind of hungry. Afterwards they played a couple of games of scrabble before the younger two went off to bed after their showers.

Freddie always shook his head how the two usually showered together but Brian had to explain that a couple of times because of Rogers low blood sugar he had passed out so even though that wasn't so much of a problem now it was still a concern. Freddie nodded but thought his own thoughts anyway on the subject and kind of envied the two younger musicians for not having to put up with one night stands or broken relationships. They were set.

Roger was the first in bed. He was worried about his blood results that would be ready the next day. He and Deaks were going to a follow up appointment. In the end he had to agree to his boyfriend going. He didn't want a repeat of yesterday and he had to admit whatever was wrong was making him irritable. He didn't like taking it out on John.

Roger smiled as John got into bed next to him and reached over to turn off the light. He shivered as the covers were pulled back and pushed him self closer to the brunettes body for warmth and sighed. It had been a day when John had done most of the talking. The blond liked it that way. Sometimes in bed he would talk but tonight he just wanted to snuggle closer to the person he loved most in the world.

John felt Roger shiver against him and grabbing a spare pillow put in on the other side of the blond to cocoon him in. He was thinking back to the first time they had slept in the same bed together. They had just moved into their dorm room at University and finally settled in with their books and ancestry charts and records and everything that made it home.

Rogers father would have been happy to pay for flat for them but they wanted to experience University life together and make friends, which they did, eventually. But Roger had been used to living in the big house with the memories around him. Especially of his mother. They had been very close and even though he didn't speak much about her John understood as he had lost both of his parents. But, unlike Roger had spent most of his time at boarding school so wasn't use to a regular family life.

"Looks okay, I think, Rog." John had just put the last record away and straightened their books. They had single bed at right angles to eachother, so they could talk at night and practice their telepathy which was a secret from their friends. Roger had been quiet all day but that wasn't unusual in itself. John had watched him, putting his clothes away and moving the mirror on the chest of drawers just so.

"All done, Rog? We should get to sleep. early morning, yeah?" John couldn't help being a little in charge. Roger nodded and they both changed into sweats and tee shirts before John turned off the light. He was looking forward to the next day. New classes, new people.

It was a few minutes later while he tried to force himself to go to sleep that he got the message from Roger. He sat up because it made no sense. The sounds, rather then musical were discordant and erratic.

"Rog, you okay?" His head was close to his friends but there was no verbal or mental answer and then he remembered. It was the anniversary of Roger's mom's death. He waited a moment and then heard his friend crying into the pillow.

"Rog?" He wasn't sure what to do. There was no answer. Finally, he pulled back the covers and got into bed next to his friend. It was a squeeze but he knew immediately it was the right thing to do. It was like everything fell into place because of a few discordant notes asking for help. They seemed to fit into each other's bodies perfectly. That was the first time John realized what it felt to have a soul mate. They were there for each other with perfect understanding.

The blond fell asleep almost immediately after being cradled in John's arms. The sadness and hurt seemed to vanish.

John felt the same tonight, remembering that first night and many more after as they became more and more intimate. He was also aware of Roger's fear of anyone getting in between them. The nights with Brian were special and they needed his love and protection. Being physically loved by him was something special but John knew Roger was having a hard time with them splitting themselves up.

"I love you, angel." John stroked back the blonds silky hair. He loved the feeling of the drummer's arms against his chest. The narrow shoulders, and the leg casually across his. He breathed in him as they lay there but suddenly the hand in his gripped his fingers and for the first time in awhile he received a rush of discordant messages again which left him unable to sleep till the sounds trickled off and the blond was asleep.

John felt as if he had been issued a warning. Roger knew so much in advance of things happening that weren't good for them or for those they cared about that it left the brunette with a very unsteady feeling. He hoped that Roger would explain the next day.


	10. I Know What You're Doing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a mix of sex, angst and some fluff.  
> I made some changes after publishing this chapter 2 days ago and am updating it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated this chapter for anyone that has already read it,

Roger and John had returned from the doctor's appointment and Roger had gone straight to their bedroom and closed the door. John had stared at the closed door for a moment and then with a sigh joined Brian and Freddie in the kitchen.

He told them rather then having diabetes as they feared it was actually non diabetic hypoglycemia and the blond needed to be more conscious of what and when he was eating. 

John dropped a pack of information on the kitchen table and sat down with a sigh. "It explains his irritability, I guess." But he didn't sound so sure. 

Brian and Freddie had lots of questions and John said it was okay if Freddie wanted to look at the food requirements and make sure Roger always had orange juice or hard candies around as his blood sure would drop a couple of hours after meals. Brian and Freddie said it all seemed much as they were doing already but why did Roger seem in a bad mood after pretty good news?

"I have no idea. He's been off and on all week. I know he's worried about something but he won't tell me." He looked at Brian for help but even this was too much for the guitarist. 

Brian was still trying to figure out why he had the same gift they had, to some extent. He was going home to visit his family for a few days soon and was going to bring the subject up with his mother. He had a funny feeling that there was someone in his family as in Roger's that his mother would talk about. A bit of a family legend, perhaps, but who knows? Months ago he would have scoffed at the idea but not now. 

The guitarist really wanted to speak to Roger. To ask him what the doctor said and well, just be close to him for a bit but the blond had locked everyone out and John said he was 'pouting' about something.

"He really can be a brat, sometimes." The bassist frowned and looked emotionally hurt. 

Brian immediately put his arm around him and felt the younger man relax. Whatever it was that they needed from him he seemed to provide. John leaned into him slightly and sighed. He had been unable to convey to the guitarist how really worried he was about Roger and not just about his health but it was too difficult and he had a terrible feeling that he had caused it.

Brian felt a deep affection for the youngest member of the band. There was something about Deaky that made him want to be close to him. He thought he understood why Roger may be jealous of him. 

Roger was confused. More then confused in fact. Things seemed much simpler a few weeks ago when the only problem was that letter that Brian had received. But the guitarist had said that was being sorted by the bands manager who had the legal team involved. So, he couldn't say much more about his misgivings, could he? He just felt so tired of it all. The band stuff was okay. Super, in fact. Looked like they would be recording their first album soon. But he felt as if his mind was splitting apart sometimes.

He felt bad shutting Deaky out of their room. He knew it was juvenile but the overwhelming feeling of something bad happening couldn't be shared. He's buried his head under the pillow and gritted his teeth, waiting for the physical pain of it to pass because it always was felt as a pain in his chest before his mind took it on. He really didn't know which was worse.

He leaned over to take a sip or two of orange juice from the glass Deaky always left by the bed. Just in case. Everything was just in case. But he supposed it was his own fault. If he didn't forget to eat something when he should. It made him feel so stupid like he was a kid that couldn't think for himself. He dragged himself off the bed and stood looking in the mirror. Worried blue eyes looked back at him. He tried to smile but it looked fake and then he grabbed a brush and brushed his hair so at least he didn't look like he'd been dragged through a hedge. He heard voices coming from the kitchen. He'd better at least participate in lunch. He was getting sort of hungry. 

John looked up, still leaning into Brian, who was rubbing his back. Roger stared at him. At them. He looked like he was about to say something but instead went to the fridge and grabbed the bottle of milk to pour himself a glass. Freddie came into the room and smiled at him but sensed a certain tension in the room. He glanced at Brian and John and then back at Roger who had is back turned. He could see his face in profile and thought he could figure out what was going on. He didn't need their abilities for this one. 

'There you are, Rog. I was just going to put out the leftover roast from yesterday. Feel like making the salad?" Freddie knew anything near heat wasn't a good idea but the blond couldn't damage a salad. Could he?

John had pulled away from Brian. He felt better now. He watched Roger cut up the tomatoes and cucumber for the salad. He was making small talk with Freddie. Every so often he would look over at John but didn't smile. John wondered why he felt so guilty when he hadn't done anything. Yet.

Roger woke early, thirsty. He reached over for the orange juice and looked down on John, asleep beside him. He was so pretty. Roger traced his lips with his finger and the lips turned up in a smile. Grey green eyes opened and a hand slowly encircled the blonds neck and flipped the long blond hair over one shoulder. Lifting his head the bassist kissed the exposed bare shoulder and neck for a few moments and then his head dropped back on the pillow.

They exchanged a long gaze into eachothers's eyes, transmitting their feelings that could never be expressed in words. But John was worried about Roger and not just because of the blood test. He could sense something more going on that wasn't being discussed. It did happen sometimes. They lost the thread as it were of their connection. Ususally, if Roger wasn't feeling well or if his feelings were hurt. John tried to rack his brains if something could have happened that made the blond feel isolated. There was something nagging at the back of his mind but he couldn't put his finger on it. 

John slipped out of the bed after giving Roger a quick kiss on the nose which made the blond chuckle. He used the bathroom and brushed his teeth then washed his face. He had an idea. He didn't usually use sex to make up for a misdeed but he didn't even know if there was a misdeed, yet. 

Returning back to the bedroom Roger leapt out of bed and went to the bathroom, too. John laughed to himself, hearing the splashing around and imagined the floor would be slippery. Roger could be such a kid, sometimes. But it gave John a chance to do something that he thought would be special for his boyfriend.

Roger looked at himself in the mirror. Long, choppy blond hair, that he was thinking about cutting but Deaky had said 'No way!'. Tired blue eyes that he didn't see as beautiful but what got him bullied at school for looking like a girl. He sighed, wondering if he should talk to Brian about what was bothering him. He was there for them, now. But maybe he was the problem. 

Roger took a deep breath and opened the bedroom door, expecting to crawl back into bed for another couple of hours. But he stood still in the doorway, his eyes wide. Deaky had lit several candles and they were casting shadows on the walls. He stood there naked in the middle of the room now, holding his hand out to his lover. Roger, naked himself, took the few steps and took his hand. The blonds heart was beating so fast he thought it would leap from his chest.

They stood only an inch or two apart, one hand clasped in the others while they mapped out eachothers bodies with light fingers. Roger felt like he was in a dream, staring into John's grey green eyes he immediately felt a weight being lifted from him. He was so close he could see the little flecks like gold in John's eyes and thought how beautiful he looked with his brown wavy hair over one shoulder, He touched his face gently tracing the outline of his jaw, They were so close they could feel eachothers's breath. Roger parted his lips slightly, still holding one hand in John's he squeezed his fingers sending an erotic message to him that caused the brunette to gasp. He pulled the blonds hips against his and caught mouth in his, moaning with the touch of his lips. 

Everything seemed to be like a dream and Roger started to let himself let go of reality. He wanted to escape from this room and from what he knew was coming. If he could just let his ability take them to another place. He felt his lovers fingers on his body and sighed as he concentrated on taking them to another place if only in their minds. 

John could sense what the blond was doing. He knew from they way his eyes had changed their focus and his breathing had slowed down. He closed his eyes, wrapping his neck around his lover's as they grasped eachothers hands side by side. It only took a few seconds, Roger was so good at this. 

The air was both cool and warm and when they opened their eyes and looked up they were surround by greenery and trees, whose leafy branches crossed over to form a green ceiling. They could hear birds and water rushing by and blue sky peeking through the leaves above. Roger had surpassed himself and John looked into the deep blue eyes feeling more love for him then he ever thought possible. The blue of his eyes seemed to be fathomless and he was being pulled into them causing him to gasp with pleasure as his lovers thoughts mingled with his own till they were just one thought that he never wanted to let go of.

They made love for it seemed like hours but was only minutes before they woke up again, in their bedroom in the flat. Their bodies were damp and John pulled the covers up over both of them. Roger was cradled in his arms, and he stroked back the blond hair and kissed the damp forehead. Their bodies still recovering from the erotic high, were still but their entwined fingers were sending messages to eachother that made the brunette smile. Roger was amazing. 

After a few minutes, John could hear sounds from outside the door and realized Brian and Freddie were up. He looked down at the sleeping blond.

"Rog?" He kissed his forehead. 

"Hmmmm," the blond nuzzled his neck. 

"Tell me what's been bothering you, angel." He spoke the words which showed it was a serious question. He stopped stroking the blonds hair and held is hand above his head a few inches, waiting for answer but not really wanting to hear it.

Roger's blond head hovered a few inches above his. He looked into the blue eyes and stared at the slightly parted lips. 

"I'm going to lose you." It was said so softly and quietly it was almost loving. But it wasn't. The pain behind those blue eyes was real and John remembered saying to Brian that Roger was always right about what he saw.

John stroked back the silky hair over his ear and the blond head dropped back onto his shoulder but not before he had seen the tears in his eyes. 

"But I would never leave you, Rog. Never." John whispered, shaken by the words. 

"Someone can take you from me, though." It was a flat statement and the brunette frowned. He looked over at the candles, still flickering in the dark dawn. 

The next few days they had spent in the recording studio and John had practically forgotten what Roger had said to him the other morning but he still had an uneasy feeling when he was alone. They had taken a break after a week and had a few days to recover from the tensions of recording their first album. John was looking forward to some downtime with Roger. They still hadn't really talked about where the blonds fears were coming from. John had wanted to confide in Brian and even though he was there guardian he felt the conversation with the blond was too private to share and could possibly concern the gutiarist.

Roger had gotten up before John and had already had breakfast. John could sleepily hear him moving about the room getting dressed and the door opening and closing quietly. He just wanted to sleep a bit more before facing the day. When he finally got up, the two older musicians were up and just about to go out.

"Morning, Deaks." Brian looked up from reading the newspaper. "Freddie and I were just about to go shopping. Want to come?" He smiled at the younger man, trying not to stare at him. The guitarist would have dragged him back to bed with him if he could.

"Where's Rog?" John frowned, looking into the kitchen.

"Oh, he had to leave early to catch the train to Truro." Freddie came up behind him. "He said you would know why."

"What?!" John stared at them. "Know what?" he sat down on the couch and felt suddenly cold and scared and felt like crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would love to hear any comments


	11. The Day I Found You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I made an alteration to chapter 10 so have added it to the beginning of this chapter.

The next few days they had spent in the recording studio and John had practically forgotten what Roger had said to him the other morning but he still had an uneasy feeling when he was alone. They had taken a break after a week and had a few days to recover from the tensions of recording their first album. John was looking forward to some downtime with Roger. They still hadn't really talked about where the blonds fears were coming from. John had wanted to confide in Brian and even though he was there guardian he felt the conversation with the blond was too private to share and could possibly concern the gutiarist.

Roger had gotten up before John and had already had breakfast. John could sleepily hear him moving about the room getting dressed and the door opening and closing quietly. He just wanted to sleep a bit more before facing the day. When he finally got up, the two older musicians were up and just about to go out.

"Morning, Deaks." Brian looked up from reading the newspaper. "Freddie and I were just about to go shopping. Want to come?" He smiled at the younger man, trying not to stare at him. The guitarist would have dragged him back to bed with him if he could.

"Where's Rog?" John frowned, looking into the kitchen.

"Oh, he had to leave early to catch the train to Truro." Freddie came up behind him. "He said you would know why."

"What?!" John stared at them. "Know what?" he sat down on the couch and felt suddenly cold and scared and felt like crying

**********

Brian and Freddie stared at John. He was still sitting on the couch, his face in his hands. He looked up at both of them with worried eyes.

"Which train was he going to catch?" He looked and sound panicked. There were tears in his eyes.

"The 9 am. It's after 10 now, Deaks." Freddie felt guilty now. He had helped Roger look up the timetable for the trip. He had presumed that John knew about and Roger was certainly old enough to know his own mind about going. Wasn't he?

Now Freddie wasn't so sure and he and Brian exchanged worried looks. They were sitting on either side of John on the couch, all of them still in their sleepwear. 

"Okay. it takes nearly 5 hours with all the train changes." John was counting on his fingers. Taxi to his dads house another 30 minutes. He should be there about 3." John stood up but Brian pulled him back down. 

"Deaks, what's going on , mate? You look terrified. "What's wrong with Rog going to Truro on his own?" 

"Yeah, Deaks. He's certainly capable at his age." Freddie shrugged.

John looked from one to the other. "No, he's not capable. Don't you understand?" He choked back a sob. "He never goes anywhere out of London without me."

"Well, maybe it's time. Did you two have a disagreement?" Freddie asked gently.

"I'm just not sure he'll know what to do without me." John sighed "We always do everything together.It's my fault, I guess. I wouldn't let him." He looked at them both

"He's always been sort of innocent about stuff. He went to the local school but spent a lot of time on his own or with his dad. He was happy just alone. When I arrived we just bonded like we were brothers. But I helped him with everything. His dad knew that Rog was different and he thanked me for helping him." He looked at the two older musicians who looked like, from their facial expression, that they knew where this was going.

John sighed. "So really, as long as I was there it didn't matter. We did everything together and he helped me as much as I did him. Just differently."

"Go on." Freddie encouraged him and started to rub the younger musicians back.

"So, Roger didn't go to college when he should have. He waited for me to get my A levels and we went together. He took some courses here and there till we were ready to go." He smiled suddenly. "It was great going together. Exciting, you know?

His dad paid for everything and I had money from my parents so we were able to live off campus. We got into music and both had girlfriends but we were together all the rest of time, you know?" 

Brian looked over John's head at Freddie and exchanged looks. 

"But Deaks. Rog got a good degree, he doesn't seem, to us, to be any different then you. Just doesn't talk much and you said that was because of his telepathic abilities." Brian said softly. 

John felt they hadn't been listening. Not really listening and it was his fault. He should have been open to start with. But Roger was a fantastic drummer and could sing. It was what the band wanted and he fit in. He had the look in spades. He had his won fan base.

"He can't cope with life like we can. He doesn't talk much and that hides it, Bri. He sticks with me. You must have noticed." John shrugged at him.

"But he has a girlfriend and..." Briand started.

"She knows. She loves him for it like I do. He's just a bit different but in a good way. He can do things other people can't and can't do others. I don't know how else to explain it. He's everything that most of us aren't. Other then being able to see a little into the future if something bad is going to happen. But that's because he's open to it and his mind isn't full of shit, like the rest of us."

The bassist still wasn't sure they understood. He sighed and got up. Freddie was checking the next train times for Truro and John went to get changed.

"I'll make you a sandwich, Deaks.' Freddie called after him and John raised his arm in answer. He felt scared and tired and guilty all at once. He blamed himself for not seeing this coming. He'd known Roger for nearly 8 years. He should have sensed something. But the blond could close or open his mind at will even to him. 

Brian and Freddie were in the kitchen. Freddie spoke up first. "Do you know what Deaks was getting at, Bri?" He asked the taller man. 

"I think so, Fred." He looked over his shoulder towards the younger flat mate's room. "I guess we both knew it, yeah?" He looked back at the singer who was wrapping two sandwiches in foil. 

Freddie didn't speak but nodded his agreement.

Just getting the train to Truro on his own was something Roger had never done alone. He couldn't remember if he had really gone anywhere of a distance without Deaky and decided he hadn't. It was scary. Buying the ticket and finding when the train left. Freddie had helped him with the timetable. He had enough money because his father always sent him and Deaky an allowance, still.  
Dad would be away for 2 months in the states going to conferences and Mrs. McGill the housekeeper was due to go on her holidays this week.  
He and Deaky always got 2 letters a month from each of them so they knew what was going on in the town and so that they would know there was a welcome home for them.

Roger had sat in the corner of the compartment with his satchel at his feet and a cup of British Rail coffee in his hand. He wished he'd brought a book with him then remembered Freddie had said he's put some light reading in his bag while he changed. He smiled, digging into the bed and brought out a well worn papaerback. Freddie had carefully written out the train station changes and the wait time in between. He studied it taking one step at a time and trying not to let his fear overtake him. But he had felt more fear staying in the flat with his firends. He knew it didn't make sense but he needed to be home.

After a few stops more passengers got on the train and the drummer pulled his dark glasses on. He concentrated on the book on his hand and then dug in his bag for the sandwich and the apple Freddie had packed for him so he wouldn't get sick on the trip.

Brian and Freddie were in the kitchen. Freddie spoke up first. "Do you know what Deaks was getting at, Bri?" He asked the taller man.   
"I think so, Fred." He looked over his shoulder towards the younger flat mate's room. "I guess we both knew it, yeah?" He looked back at the singer who was wrapping two sandwiches in foil.   
Freddie didn't speak but nodded his agreement.  
Brian began thinking about various instances and realized suddenly what Deaky was driving at. Just then the brunette stood in the doorway, his knapsack packed, he was dressed and ready to go. Freddie handed him the sandwiches.  
"I'm sorry, guys. I'm just so fucking worried about him. It's like sending 12 year old on a long rain journey alone. It wouldn't be so bad if it was a non stop journey." He raised his hands and dropped them.  
Freddie tried to reassure him. 'Deaks, I wrote out all the stops with times and wait times. He seemed to understand it all."  
"Yeah, on paper, Fred. But it's like a kids treasure map in an old book to him. "He'll get there but he'll be scared to death the whole way and that's what scares me."   
  
  
Just getting the train to Truro on his own was something Roger had never done alone. He couldn't remember if he had really gone anywhere of a distance without Deaky and decided he hadn't. It was scary. Buying the ticket and finding when the train left. Freddie had helped him with the timetable. He had enough money because his father always sent him and Deaky an allowance, still.

  
Dad would be away for 2 months in the states going to conferences and Mrs. McGill the housekeeper was due to go on her holidays this week.He and Deaky always got 2 letters a month from each of them so they knew what was going on in the town and so that they would know there was a welcome home for them.

  
Roger had sat in the corner of the compartment with his satchel at his feet and a cup of British Rail coffee in his hand. He wished he'd brought a book with him then remembered Freddie had said he's put some light reading in his bag while he changed. He smiled, digging into the bed and brought out a well worn paperback. Freddie had carefully written out the train station changes and the wait time in between. He studied it taking one step at a time and trying not to let his fear overtake him. But he had felt more fear staying in the flat with his friends. He knew it didn't make sense but he needed to be home.

  
After a few stops more passengers got on the train and the drummer pulled his dark glasses on. He concentrated on the book on his hand and then dug in his bag for the sandwich and the apple Freddie had packed for him so he wouldn't get sick on the trip.  
A couple of girls got on the train and stared at him for a few seconds, wondering if he was someone famous. Under the protection of the dark glasses he rolled his eyes and smirked. He was fully aware of the effect he had on girls.

  
Soon they would be at the next stop and a 15 minute wait. He could grab a coffee and a copy of Melody Maker before boarding another train. Maybe he could get uses to this without Deaky? He sighed. He didn't want to get use to it without him. He imagined he was sitting close beside him now. Feeling the warm arm against his. Exchanging thoughts when everyone around them thought they were silent. He smiled to himself as he sat on the waiting area bench. The same two girls walked buy and twiddled their fingers at him. He nodded and smiled and for a moment his attention was taken up in watching them till the next train came in. He hoped they weren't going to be on it.

The next train arrived and left on time. Roger had found a seat in the corner by the window and sighed. He searched in his bag for another snack, aware that if he felt dizzy there was no one there to help him. He pulled out a small pack of crackers and cheese. Freddie ha made enough snacks for the day. Just in case. Always, just in case. He laughed to himself. Just then the two girls appeared before him, giggling.

"Okay if we sit with you?" The taller girl asked, "We're going to Truro for the first time to visit our aunt but there's so many changes." The other girl, obviously her sister, nodded and waited for his answer.

"Sure, of course." He smiled confidently. "We can go together," He sighed inwardly and thought he better up his conversation practice. 

Deaky stood with his ticket and a coffee wishing he smoked just to calm down his nerves. He didn't know how he would last over 5 hours worried about Roger the whole time. He kept going over in his head what the blond had said that morning after they made love. It had been a wonderfully, close and sweet time with him and then that prediction that someone would take him away. Was he talking about Brian? He knew the guitarist was attracted to him. Was that what Roger saw?

It was late afternoon and getting dark quickly when the train pulled into Truro station. Roger helped the girls with their bags. It had been entertaining sitting with him as they knew a lot about the current bands and music and he had to do to much talking at all. Well, none really. He waved them good bye with all the rock star self confidence he had and took the taxi after theirs at the station. He gave the driver the address of his home and sat back. He'd got this far. He just hoped Mrs. McGill would be there because it was a big house and he had never been there alone. 

Roger felt himself get anxious the closer they got to his home. He wished his father was still home but at least of Mrs. McGill was...he saw her car in the driveway and sighed with relief. 

Roger stood on the gravel driveway. He was alone. He looked up at the house, to the Victorian turrets where he and Deaks use to hang out and read odd books they found in his father's library. They snuck beers and cigarettes when they were teenagers and sometimes girls in their late teens. He smiled remembering it all. His best memories were all about Deaky. He felt a lump grow in his throat and he fought back the tears even though there was no one there to see him. He crossed his arms over his chest and shivered. He had always felt the cold more then others but tried not to let on. He turned with a sigh and went back up to the house where had grown up but not sure what to do. He had never been without Deaky for more then a few hours and it scared him.

Rather then let himself in with his key he thought it better just to ring the bell otherwise the housekeeper would think there was an intruder. She was surprised just the same. 

"My goodness, its Roger." She stood back to look at him. "You look thinner and your hairs longer." She smiled at him. "But I am happy to see you. But where is John?" She looked over his shoulder expecting to see the younger man she had helped bring up when he moved there 8 years ago.

"Still in London." Roger was vague. "Coming up later, I think." He dropped his bag on the floor and hugged her. The old lady was suspicious. She had never see one without the other. 

"John let you travel on your own?" She asked in disbelief. "I find that difficult to understand." She looked at the young man before her and sensed something was amiss but decided to not to question him. He had arrived safe and sound and that was all that could hoped for. The thought crossed her mind to phone the London flat before she left for her holidays, though.

"Well, you've arrived at the right time dear." She led him down the hall to the large farmhouse like kitchen. "There's plenty of food in the freezer and you've save me having to throw out the eggs and breads and milk." She pushed him down onto a kitchen care and brought out a large tin of biscuits and poured him a glass of milk. He smiled to himself. 'She still thinks I'm 14' he thought. He watched the housekeeper busy herself and about the kitchen telling him his bed upstairs was always made up. How long would he be staying? She was sorry she was leaving to visit her sister in Scotland, now that he was here. 

Roger smiled and nodded and answered yes or no or maybe to her questions till finally he was helping the elderly lady on with her coat and seeing her out to her little car and waving goodbye.

John tried to tamp down his panic. He'd almost called home to Rogers a couple of times in between trains but decided if the no one answered it wouldn't help his worrying any less. He went over what he had said to Brian and Freddie that morning, hoping they understood. He was pretty sure Brian did now. John was feeling many forms of guilt. His idea of the two of them sharing Roger's affection seemed so monumentally stupid now. How could he have thought that would be okay with his lover? 

He tried to eat the sandwiches that Freddie had packed for him but they seemed to stick in his throat. He was on the verge of a panic attack which he had never had in his life when the train pulled into Truro station. Because of delays it was nearly 7 pm. Not late but it had been a long day where his thought had been filled with all the different catastrophes that could have befallen the blond. 

Once the housekeeper had left he took his bag and walked the three flights of stairs to his old room in what he and John had called the old tower. It was really just a Victorian type addition to the house but his had possibilities with young minds that were engrossed in anything mysterious.

They would lie in bed at night and practice their telepathy by making up stories about the turret room and its mythical inhabitants. Sometimes, at breakfast, they would tell Mrs. McGill about these fantasies and she would smile and nod and comment on their vivid imaginations but sometimes she would look worriedly at Roger. John would watch her expression and would sometimes get an uneasy feeling. They were probably both too old to engage in these fantasies and Roger even more so as he was two years older.

Roger opened the door of the twin bedded room he had shared with John for the years before they had gone to college. He went straight to the bottom drawer of the old dresser and found their books and drawings and stories that they had written down. Mrs. McGill had preserved them by placing special paper over the books to prevent any insects getting at them. He sat on the floor and took out a random pile thinking back several years to their time together sitting together, making up a mythical world, practicing speaking without words. He picked up a book that contained all the drawing Deaky had done. He had given it to the older boy for his birthday one year and Roger treasured it. He hugged it to his chest and then lay it carefully back on top of the others and started to close the drawer before his eyes suddenly lit upon and small green leather book that his mother had given him before she died. She had told him that he could speak to her through that book. That anything he wanted to her when she was gone he could write in the book and she would know it.

He turned the pages carefully, recognizing his neat schoolboy writing. He found the page where he had told her how much he loved Deaky and he thought Deaky loved him. He bit his lip till he could taste blood and felt suddenly scared and alone. He doubted that his mother could really know what he had written. It was something to help him after she died. He hadn't even told his father about it but he had told Deaky who was allowed to look at it at anytime. He wondered if he had because he had never asked him.

Roger glanced at the clock in his room. It was nearly 7 pm and he did wonder if Deaky would come. He had taken a chance that he would follow him. If he didn't then he would know he was right about Brian. He didn't mind Brian being their guardian, they needed him. But he didn't want to ever share Deaky with anyone. He never had. From the moment he met him the blond knew this person was his soul mate.

He showered and changed into pyjama bottoms and a tee shirt and then went downstairs to get something to eat. He was uneasy lighting the gas hot plate by himself because even Freddie had said he was a walking fire disaster so he found some bread and cheese and sliced ham and made a sandwich. That with a glass of milk and another glass of orange juice he took up to his room.

Halfway there though he stopped. He'd remembered something from long ago. He and John had been reading the Narnia series, using it as practice for their telepathy when John had the brilliant idea of making their own "wardrobe' into another world. Using Roger's fathers tools, they had made a reasonably large opening in the back of the wardrobe, one of those large old fashioned types and pushed against the narrow opening of a disused room on their floor. God knows what the original intention of the room had been. Probably a linen closet, but it worked for their purposes.

He had carefully put the tray on the old desk in their room he went over to the old Victorian wardrobe that stood in an alcove on the far side of the room. He opened it carefully and the smell of cedar wood brought back years of memories. He tapped the back of the structure and a door opened into a small dusty room. He went over to the corner where and old trunk still held their old adventure magazines. In another corner under a dust sheet was a pile of old sofa cushions. He pulled one over to the box and took out the first magazine and crossing his legs bent his head over the familiar stories.

John had finally paid off the taxi and practically ran up to the front door of his old home. He couldn't see any lights on but their old bedroom was in the back of the house. He immediately started shouting Roger's name and ran two steps a time up to they're room. He immediately saw the tray with the food. He touched the bread with a fingertip. It was still fresh. He called Roger's name again but got no answer back. He tried the bathroom and felt the wet towel.

"Roger?" He tried each room on the floor then the ones below and finally the kitchen and library. He felt panic setting in again. Had he decided to make his dinner and then go walk abouts? He grabbed the flashlight kept by the kitchen door unlocked the door. It was very dark now and he used the torch to find his way around the house looking up at the windows. Everything was black and finally realized he would have to start looking elsewhere.

Roger had wished he had eaten his sandwich before adventuring into their 'secret room'. He was starting to feel strange and a little dizzy even though he was sitting down. He pulled his knees up to his chin and lay his head down, wrapping his arms around his legs. He closed his eyes and took two deep breaths but it didn't help and he silently called for Deaky before he went unconscious.


	12. For The Day I Will Let You Go.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Roger arrive at their childhood home within an hour or two of eachother and their reunion is affectionate but soon the question that lies between them has to be brought out to the light of day.  
> Brian realises he misses John more then he thought he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mentioned bread baking in a bread machine even though they weren't invent till 1986.

The open drawer in the bedroom where Roger and he had kept their drawings and some books gave John the idea where to find his friend. He glanced over at the wardrobe in the corner of the room and saw the door was slightly ajar. It had a tendency, he remembered to swing back and one time, when they were teenagers they had almost got stuck in the small airless room beyond. No one could sit in there for long without opening the window.

John woke the next morning, cradling the blond in his arms. They're reunion had been affectionate once John had woken the unconscious drummer and got him to his feet so they could climb back through the 'portal' as they called it when they were teenagers. 

He looked down at the sleeping form next to him. They hadn't made love the night before. It was too cold in the old house to go without sleepwear and they had both been too exhausted. The big, old kitchen downstairs would be warm though, heated by the Aga range and John slipped out of the single bed, pulling the covers up to Roger's chin, smiling as the blond frowned in his sleep, missing his friends warm body. The brunette looked down on him for a moment also feeling the absence of the warm body. He always marvelled how much he loved him when they both knew so much about each other. He couldn't remember them ever even having a disagreement until lately and that worried him.

John picked up the empty sandwich plate and the two glasses from the night before. He's made sure Roger had eaten before they turned off the light and there was no argument from the blond who looked a little contrite for the worry he had put his friend through. But John was just happy they had both made it safely to their home and were together again. He was putting off the moment when they would need to discuss what was bothering the blond so much. 

Halfway down the landing John stopped and chuckled to himself. Roger's dad had framed both of their graduation degrees so that he could see them each morning he was there on the way down to the kitchen for breakfast. John thanked whatever stars had aligned that the tragedy of his own parents being killed had allowed him to join the small family here.

The kitchen was warm and the housekeeper had put the timer on the bread maker so the smell of fresh bread wafted thought the downstairs area. John carefully lay the dishes and glasses in the pristine sink and went over to the kitchen door, opening it and take in the fresh air, so different from London, thinking it was a good idea that they spend some time in the country. it would do Roger good, especially.

He hadn't heard the blond come up behind him but somehow wasn't startled when a warm body pressed up against his from behind and two arms crossed his chest.

"Morning, Rog." He leaned his head back and got a wet, toothpaste smelling kiss that made him smirk. He turned around, still within the circle of the blonds arms and kissed him back, the blonds hair tickling his nose as it fell over his face. But the question was still hanging between them and he reluctantly tore himself from his boyfriend to make the coffee for their breakfast and make some toast. 

Luckily, Roger had arrived at his family home before the housekeeper had cleaned out the fridge prior to her going on her holiday so there was plenty to eat. But first John prepared something for Roger He found plain yogurt and fruit and started peeling and dicing as the blond sat at the table following his every move with a coy smile on his lips.

"Such a brat." John smiled, looking over his shoulder. He had decided to put off any discussions till after breakfast. He didn't want to upset Roger so much that he couldn't eat his breakfast and anyway there was still some more bedroom time to think about. He stopped what he was doing for a moment and thought he was being selfish again but the drummer did look so hot sitting at the table with his messy hair and sleepy expression and was probably wanting it just as much as his friend. 

A few moments later, unaware at first what was happening, he heard the first musical notes in his head, travelling across the kitchen and turned quickly to see Roger idly playing with a spoon in the sugar bowl, all the well sending the brunette erotic messages.

"Double brat." John shook his head and put the bowl of fruit and yogurt down in front of the drummer along with toast and a few slices of cheese. "Right, that's you done." He ruffled the blond head and reached over to our them both a coffee. 

Roger speared each piece of fruit and seemed to inspect it before popping it in his mouth. Finally, John chuckled and asked him what he was doing.

"Checking your work." Was the cheeky reply and the brunette shook his head.

"You know I'm going to have to fuck you into the mattress for that remark, don't you?" John countered and laughed as the drummer nearly choked on a piece of banana.

Roger had his arms stretched back behind his head and his slim legs wrapped tightly around Johns hips as his lover slowly entered him after spending an almost excruciatingly long time prepping him. They hadn't made it upstairs to their room and as the bed in the guest bedroom was larger they found themselves making out on the large double bed in the darkened room before Roger reminded John to get the lube.

He had waited till he was stretched out naked on the bed, a sight that drove the brunette mad with desire for him and the blond knew it before mentioning the missing item. John had dashed upstairs and back again in record time and Roger stretched before him, obviously aroused, smiled almost shyly.

They were wrapped around each other, afterwards. John had turned on the gas fire and the flames danced across the walls of the dark room as his lover kissed his neck. He closed his eyes as the drummers fingers traced his chest and arms, sending little shivers down his chest. 

"I love you, Rog." John held the blonds face in his hands and looked into the deep blue eyes. He got a message back that was almost discordant and he frowned, struggling to sit up. It was so unexpected. He put his hands on the drummers shoulders and waited for the notes to calm dow but they were still frantic and he pulled the blond down so their heads were together on the pillow He knew he couldn't interrupt the flow of sounds. Just had to wait till they made sense but his statement about loving him had unleashed the flood gates of Rogers angst about something.

John held he two hands in his against his chest, watching the blonds eyes as they darted over his face, trying to make himself understood. 

Finally, the brunette had to say something. "Rog, I'm sorry. I don't understand you. You'll have to talk about it."

Roger usually expressed his feelings this way and he stopped dead, the notes trailing off like a mad drum solo. He took a deep breath. The sadness in his eyes was almost unbearable to look at.

"Rog. I love you and only you. I always will." He kissed the blonds forehead and paused.

"But that won't make any difference," The words weren't meant to hurt. He had know Roger long enough. He knew something was going to happen that would part them and there wasn't anything they could do to stop it.

"Rog. I can change something. We can do something together. It can't end. This can't end." He heard himself choke on the words but there was no reassuring words the blond could offer. He could only shake his head and cling to his friend as if his life depended on it.

Brian put down the phone after talking to both John and Roger and was able to let Freddie know they were fine, no problems with either one of them getting to Truro. Freddie exhaled a deep breath. All kinds of things had gone through his mind about could possibly have happened to Roger, travelling by himself. 

"Apparently, Rog met a couple of girls on the second train and he travelled with him." Brian chuckled and Freddie grinned.

"Well, as long as they're okay. When are they back?" Freddie was walking into the kitchen. Making dinner for just the two of them should be easy because the singer was very careful about what he served the drummer for dinner when he was there. He sighed, missing the sassy drummer already.

Brian wandered back into the the younger musicians shared bedroom. He may as well take their laundry to the laundromat later, too. He picked up their laundry bag and then one of John's sweaters that had fallen beside the bed. He picked it up and held it in his hands for a moment before sitting down on the bassists bed and pressing his face into the sweater. it smelled of the younger man still and he felt an ache in his heart, realising he was in love with him The two would be back in a couple of days and it would be difficult waiting that long. Just hearing his voice had made his heart melt which had surprised him.

Brian folded the sweater and lay it back on the bed and stood looking around the room. He couldn't break up the two of them. He wouldn't want to but the loneliness he felt without them both around was real and heart felt. He knew that Roger had his suspicions. The blond watched the other night as the he kissed his lover's neck and he saw the sadness in his eyes.

"its strange, without the two of them." Freddie sipped his wine and looked at the two empty chairs.

"They'll be back in a couple of days, Fred." Brian chuckled, aware the singer was very nurturing regarding the drummer.

Roger was Freddie's pet if not his child and he took the food requirement list seriously to the extent he monitored what the blond ate at the pub and would send something back if he thought it was the wrong choice. For his part, Roger would smirk but didn't argue and knew Freddie cared about him.

John and Roger had gone for a long walk in the morning following the cliff path to the sea and sat together like they use to when they were younger. There was no other person around as the land belonged to Roger's father and was quiet isolated. They sat on the bench they had made themselves years ago. 

"Rog?" It was a beautiful sunny day but John suddenly felt cold. He wanted his friend close to him. He felt the comforting arm go around him and the blond head on his shoulder. He rubbed his face in the blond locks and sighed. 

"Deaky" Roger just said his name. He liked to say it. Deaky had been his friend and his boyfriend and his lover. The thought of them not being together made him unbelievably sad. He looked at the long, wavy brown hair and the kind grey green eyes that he loved to look at first thing in the morning. The slightly crooked lips that he loved to kiss. He lay his head on the narrow shoulders and watched a single tear run down the brunettes face as he looked out to the sea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this chapter. I cried writing the last bit.


	13. Chapter 13

Roger sat by himself, looking out at the sea. John had gone back to the house, not wanting his friend to see how sad he felt. He had always protected Roger and now he felt the blond was telling him he was powerless to do that now. He turned after walking a few yards away wondering if it was alright to leave him sitting there. He had realised that Roger was probably a lot stronger then he thought he was and continued on back to the house.

Stopping at the bottom of the driveway of the large Edwardian house he remembered the first day he had seen it. It looked so imposing from the outside which belied it's warm family atmosphere inside. He could still see the teenage Roger sitting on the steps waiting for him, neither knowing if they would like each other or even just get along.

Roger had stood up when the car drove up with his father and John. They had shaken hands politely as Roger's father carried the younger boys suitcase up to the room they would share at the top of the house.

At first, John had thought the young person sitting on the steps was a girl till he heard Rgoer's father say his name and introduce them to each other. But other then large blue eyes and longer then usual blond hair there was nothing girlish about him.

John didn't know at the time the feeling of light heartiness he felt was the first feeling of falling in love as he followed the taller boy up the stairs, passing rooms full of books and paintings and listening to his new friend chat about what they could do and where they could explore on the small estate. John hardly had time to answer as the blond boy went from one subject to the other and that was just before they reached the long attic room.

The room was like a treasure trove to the brunette. Roger and his father had a work table at the far end of the immense room that cover the whole area of the house below. John hesitated going to look at it till Roger saw the interest in his eyes and smiling said.  
"Come on." And John followed him over to the table that held bits of mechanical tools and half finished projects. A stack of Mechanics Today magazine were well worn and sitting in a neat pile in one corner of the room. John was enthralled and turned to his new friend.

"You and your father have done all this?" He could see an old clock being operated on, its innards exposed, as if just waiting for attention. There was part of a train set, and small household appliances being worked on.

"Are they all broken?" John touched a finger to the various items.

Roger chuckled. "No. My dad wants me to know how things work and I guess it's an excuse for us to do something together." He looked at the younger boy. "He isn't home very much, cause he travels on business but when he's here he'll spend a lot of time with us."

'This is all very cool." The younger boy looked at him. "My dad was in the diplomatic corps and well, boring." He grinned and both of them started to laugh.

"All parents can be a bit boring but Dad tries not to be." He paused. "I'm sorry about what happened to your family, John." The older boy said politely and John shrugged.

"I can't pretend I miss them. I never saw them and always stayed with an aunt during the holidays." He continued. "Everyone at school calls me Deaks by the way." He rolled his eyes as if it was a dumb name.

"Deaks. Deaky. I like it. Deaks you are then." The blond nodded and from then on he was known as Deaks to Roger and his father.

They had spent the rest of the day exploring. The big house had a path at the back that led around a wooded copse to a cliff and the sea. They had come upon the cliff so suddenly that John had gasped in surprise. The Atlantic Ocean appeared, its waves crashing the shore below the cliff. They each sat on a large stone for a few minutes looking out to the vastness. 

John had looked over at his new friend. He was glad he hadn't been sent to live with a boring person. It could have gone either way. He wouldn't have to go back to boarding school and for that he was grateful and sharing a room was no problem with one person instead of 7 others. He knew how to get along with different people but suspected it would be easy with his new friend, Roger. 

They had walked back to the house and already the smell of dinner cooking met them at the kitchen door and Mrs McGill, the housekeeper greeted them as if there had always been two boys in the house. But she insisted on calling him John and there was no persuading her at all.

Roger had been right. After dinner his father went up to the attic room with them and all three worked on a new project that John could start with them. Right away he was immersed in the plans and Roger and his father nodded and smiled at each other.

Mrs McGill had brought a snack up for the two boys before they went to bed for the night. A few biscuits and a glass of milk each. John had never felt so welcomed in his life. The two boys had chatted about the new school he would be going to and what they could do tomorrow.

The three years had passed and the two boys had gone to college together. It was then that John realised he was the more mature of the two despite the age difference. Roger was in his own kingdom in Truro but not in London at college. Roger's Das had wanted them to get a flat together near the college and he would pay for it but they both wanted to be closer to college life and so they share a larger dorm room together. 

Just before they had left, the evening before in fact, Roger's father had taken John aside and told him something he probably knew already. That his son was a lot more fragile then he acted and could he please keep an eye out for him? 

John and listened and nodded, aware that in the back of his mind he knew this all along. Rogers father had explained that his son was more like his mother then he was him. John felt he leaving something out, unsaid. But after spending three years as part of their family he understood. He assured the older man that he would watch out for him.

"Of course, you'll come back for regular visits?" Mr. Taylor wanted assurance and John nodded enthusiastically that would be the case.

"Probably best if Roger always travels with you." He'd added and waited to make sure the younger boy understood.

John thought he did.

But it was during the years before they went to college that through a project at school and their own unlimited curiosity that they realised they could communicate telepathically with each other. It had taken months of practice that they had kept from Roger's father and the housekeeper who were just glad the two boys always around something to occupy themselves with when Rogers father was away. It was their secret. Something to be cherished but it had gotten away from them.

John was thinking about their gift as he let himself into the big house. He even though he knew he had left Roger alone on the cliff he half expected hi to come running down the stairs to greet him. God, I must be going crazy. He thought to himself. He sat on the steps leading up to the next floor remembering the first time they had come home from college for the Christmas break and how the blond had depended on him to manoeuvre the tricky train schedule. It had been the same at college. He had taken care of any issues that came up.

But it was in College that he discovered that he was in love with Roger. Their lives were their own. They formed friendships with other people and both had girlfriends, though neither had anyone special. They just knew they loved each other. It had always been their between them and now Roger was telling him it would be over. He put his face in his hands.

"Deaks?" Roger was standing in the open door. The setting sun was behind him and almost made his hair look like a halo.

John stared at him, his vision blurry from the tears he let the blond lead him back upstairs and they carefully undressed each other before climbing into the large bed and almost innocently wrapping their arms and legs around each other, fell asleep.

Freddie had never been so glad to see anyone so much as he did when Roger and Deaks came back. He's felt like a parent bereft of his child. Even though he wasn't part of the connection Brian had with them he felt he understood the blond drummer. They were both that little bit different that made people notice them and besides that he loved the drummers wardrobe. 

Brian had told them he'd had a call from them and they would be arriving on the afternoon train. Freddie was planning a special dinner of Roger's favourites and was already making a shopping list. Brian had gone off to the off licence to buy wine and beer for the homecoming and get away from Freddie's excitement. He had know idea the singer was so attached to Roger that he missed him so much. He admitted he did himself and though he had a soft spot for John the two together were amazing.

Freddie nearly jumped when the phone rang. He was concentrating so hard on his list, wondering if the household budget would run to affording roast beef when the shrill ring started. He grabbed the phone impatiently and answered "Hello?"

It was a doctors office calling for Mr. Roger Taylor and Freddie explained that their flat mate wouldn't be back to later. The woman on the other end exceed herself and a man's voice came on the phone. It was a Dr. Harcourt-Smith asking if Freddie was a close friend of the younger mans.

"Yes." Freddie had a sinking feeling and sat down on the desk chair, the phone clasped tightly in his hand. 

The doctor went on to explain he would like to see Roger the next day at 10 am and if he could go with him that would be helpful. Freddie carefully wrote the time and address down and assured the doctor he would go with him. He slowly put the phone down and stared out the window. 

Brian had returned with the wine and beer and Freddie told him about the phone call. Brian frowned and reaching for the phone book looked up the doctor who's office was in Harley Street. The address alone was fuel for speculation. He found the name and matching address and showed it to the singer who was already trying not to jump to conclusions but couldn't help but think the worse.

Brian and Freddie had agreed not to say anything till the next day about the appointment. They didn't want to spoil the younger musicians homecoming.

Brian couldn't help thinking how rested the two looked after they arrived at the flat in a taxi. Freddie had poured them all a glass of sparkling wine, pretending it was champagne and hugged Roger so many times in the space of ten minutes that John pretended jealousy and they all laughed. 

Roger had gone to the kitchen with Freddie to see the preparations for dinner and Brian had taken John aside to ask him what had happened in Truro. Was everything alright? He finally told him about the doctors appointment and John had gone pale and stared at him. It was all starting to make sense. 

Brian had wished he hadn't said anything now. he hadn't intended to. He told John he was sorry, he'd spoiled their homecoming but the younger man just shook his head and looked towards the kitchen where he could see the blond and dark heads bent over something in the oven and hear both of them laugh.

Roger had stayed up as long as he could. He felt so sleepy he could hardly keep his eyes open. Must have been all the food and wine, he thought to himself. He was sitting on the couch, leaning against John's shoulder, remembering the few days in Truro with Deaky. They'd made love and walked and looked at their old books and reminisced about when they were teenagers. Then they'd made love some more and even gone to their special place, the one they had taken Brian to when they had all set the night of the storm together. 

"Angel?" John pulled the covers back. The blond was almost asleep. The brunette pulled him close and nuzzled his warm neck. He received a sleepy smile in return. John lay watching the blond for several minutes. Watching the rise and fall of his chest, the dark lashes against his cheeks and thought his own heart was going to break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a judo or comment if you like the story so far


	14. My Love is Yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My medical knowledge about this is nil so please overlook.  
> This story is going to get worse before it gets better, I'm afraid.

John was beside himself with worry ever since Freddie and Roger had left for the doctors appointment half an hour ago. Freddie had left it to the last minute before telling them about the appointment but the bassist realised that Brian already knew.

Brian sat on the couch with the unread morning newspapers around him and two cooling cups of coffee as he watched John pace up and down in front of the window, chewing the nail on one finger and taking shaking sighs.  
Finally, the taller man rose and went over to him, placing a hand on the brunettes shoulder and gently turning him around. He was surprised when John burst into tears and he held him tightly, stroking back hs long wavy hair and he kissed the top of his head..

"Please don't worry too much, Deaks." The guitarist said softly but in reality he was just as scared about the drummers health as John was.

"What's taking them so long?" The younger man mumbled into Brian's sweater, feeling comfort from the warmth.

"They haven't been gone that long Deaks. The appointment wasn't till eleven and its only eleven thirty now. Fred said they might stop at a pub on the way back, too."

John nodded his understanding but kept his face pressed into the taller mans shoulder so that he wouldn't see his tear stained face. How could he help the love of his life if he couldn't keep it together, even with Brian's help?  
Then it hit him. What Roger had said would happen. The blond could see the outcome of something but not always the reason why it happened. The in between bit. That was what had always upset Roger so much and prevented him from stopping something.

John pulled his face away from the guitarists shoulder and looked into his eyes. He wanted to tell him what Roger had predicted but the full enormity of what the blond saw was too sad t think about, so he said nothing.

Freddie and Roger had left the doctors office after the long consultation. Roger was so aloof during the talk that Freddie felt he was acting in loco parentis, taking the part of the blonds father. He had asked the correct questions and been advised of the medication and the need for a weekly check. Freddie had taken notes on the back of a note pad he used for song ideas. All the time Roger had kept his gaze on a framed landscape slightly to the right of Dr. Harcourt-Smiths head and would sometimes vaguely glance at the singer and then back at the picture.

His reaction and lack of participation didn't surprise Freddie or the consultant and when it was time to go he was as quiet as child who hadn't quite taken in what was going on. But he did. This was the same doctor his mother had gone to. He remembered travelling down from Truro with her when he was fifteen and waiting in the outer room with the receptionist. At the time, he was unaware what his mother's appointment was for and could only think about the lunch at an Italian restaurant they would have afterwards and the promise he could buy one or two LP's of his his favourite bands.

But he had noticed the sadness in his mother's eyes when she had come out of the doctors office that was soon replaced by a bright smile for him and he'd tried to squash down, even then, the feeling something was wrong.

Brian answered the phone on the first ring. He mouthed to John who was standing shoulder to shoulder with him, his eyes full of conern that it was Freddie. "We'll be there in ten minutes."

"What did he say?" The shorter man gripped his arm.

"Just they were at the pub and they had some prescriptions to drop off at the chemists." He hugged the bassist quickly and they left for the pub, neither speaking the short walk to where their friends were waiting for them.

John felt almost shy when he saw Roger sitting in the booth next to Freddie. They had left room for John and Brian to sit next to them and as the bassist slid into the upholstered seat he felt it almost impossible not to put and arm around the drummers waist and reach for his hand but he had to restrain himself for appearing too worried. He recognised the blond was trying to look cheerful, unaware that the blonds mother had done the same for him. 

Brian could feel that Freddie wanted to tell him about the visit in more detail but they had to be content with a quick version of it with the singer explaining that Roger had a slight heart murmur and had some medication to take. The older man had let Brian know they would talk later. The guitarist watched the two younger musicians and had to smile. Whatever Deaky was saying to the blond had made the drummer blush and the guitarist had to give the younger man credit for rising above his fears.

They had decided to talk about Roger's condition and the doctors visit after the blond was asleep. The first set of medication would probably make him very sleepy for a about a week and then he had to have another check up so John had agreed he would join the two older musicians later that night, to talk.

When they returned from the pub Roger seemed more relaxed and was even yawning. Freddie had gone to pick up the prescription and had taken time to talk to the pharmacist about not to have any alcohol when on the medication. He rolled his eyes at that but of course, agreed he would make sure. 

"Do you want to have a nap?" John asked, encircling his arms around th blonds waist, once they were in their bedroom.

"Mmm." Roger pressed his face into John's neck."I want to make love." He whispered and the bassist could feel the smile against his neck.

Teasingly he asked. 'What do you say?" 

"Please, Deaky." Blue eyes looked into his and the brunette forgot all about being worried. He was going to do everything and anything his lover wanted with pleasure.

They slowly undressed each other. It was almost a ritual and always intensified their lovemaking. 

Going slowly with Roger had always heightened their feelings and the telepathic bond seemed to be even stronger this afternoon. Erotic feelings that were wordless were exchanged by the pressure of their fingertips.

John had never felt more in love with the blond then he did now. They stood naked, face to face, clasping eachothers hands at chest level. Their physical beings felt so intertwined that they understood eachothers thoughts as never before. Beautiful musical notes passed between them. They knew sex was was almost unnecessary, the euphoria of just being together like this was above a human level.

Roger felt like he was floating. He had completed forgotten what had happened that morning and given himself up to his lover. The bed felt like a cloud beneath them and he grabbed a handful of the brunettes hair and swept it around his shoulders so he could kiss his neck. It was only a few moments later, that he felt unbelievably tired and could hardly keep his eyes open.

Roger kept saying he was sorry that he felt so sleepy but John understood and pulling the covers over them both held the sleeping blond in his arms, stroking back the blond locks off his shoulder and kissing his shoulder.

Freddie had arrived back with the medication and some groceries to make dinner. Brian was in the kitchen making tea and explained that the two younger musicians were having a 'nap'. The singer smiled.

"Good for them." He set down the grocery bag and sighed. "I need a drink." He reached for the brandy on the top shelf and poured he and the guitarist a large glass each.

"It wasn't good, Bri." They sat down at the kitchen table and Brian wished he smoked. Maybe it would help calm his nerves.

"Rog hardly listened, if at all. Which, I guess was a good thing." Freddie explained. "He has the same condition his mother had. It apparently only comes to light when you're in your twenties. He's been very tired lately and he told his father who recognised the signs and made the appointment. Roger had gone a couple of weeks ago for the tests and didn't tell us."

"How long, Freddie?" Brian knew what was coming. His eyes filled with tears, his heart going out to John as much as for Roger. 

"He didn't say. Not in front of Roger. I can go back to talk to him. Roger gave permission and the doc is a friend of the family."

"So really, we don't know anything till he's been on the medication for a week?" Brian shook his head, the brown curls bouncing off his shoulder. Freddie was glad of his friends strong presence, though. It had been a difficult morning and Roger had beens so quiet till Deaky had arrived at the pub. He understood their relationship more, now and was a little envious of it.

John was standing in the doorway of the kitchen. He'd left Roger sleep, the covers pulled up to keep him warm. He's looked so peaceful and had a small smile on his lips but the bassist had still whispered he'd be back in a few minutes. He'd got up to go to the bathroom after pulling on jeans and a sweater and on the way back heard the two older musicians talking.

The two glasses of brandy told their own story and Freddie motioned for the brunette to sit down and he told him what he knew.

Roger was aware John had left but was having a wonderful dream. It was of a memory, really. The first time he and Deaky had admitted they loved each other. It was their first year of college and although the dream was hazy it was so real. They had been visiting Rogers father and had taken a walk out to the cliff and were sitting on the bench overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. Waves crashing under them. They had been practicing their telepathy and suddenly Roger had said I love you and John had said it back. They could hardly look at each other but kept their gaze firmly out towards the water till one of then sighed and they both turned to look at each other. They knew then what they had probably always known. 

John slipped back int bed. He'd had a glass of brandy while Freddie told them both about the visit. His hands had started to shake and he'd lit a cigarette from the pack on the kitchen table. Brian had put an arm around him and it did help. He wasn't by himself in helping the blond. 

"Deaky?" The sleepy, raspy voice as the blue eyes looked into his. The awareness that something had happened and was going to be left unspoken. Roger had never tried this before but as he held Johns hands in his between their chests he took him back into his dream. 

The ocean was again there below them and they were sitting on the bench and they'd just expressed their love for each other.


	15. Forever Mine

John was always amazed at Roger's power to be able to take them both away into his dream world. Brian was the only person who knew about it and they never spoke about it.

They had been asleep after Roger had taken him into his dream but John had woken up a few hours later. It was far too early to get up so he used his time in gazing at the blond head on the pillow next to him. The possibility that he wouldn't see his beloved every day was too distressing to think about but he knew he had to hold it together. But just looking at the angelic face next to his seemed to help him. 

"Brian?" John knocked lightly on the guitarists door and opened it expecting to find him as he was, sitting up in bed reading.

John came in and shut the door. He looked shy and had to gather his words before speaking. Brian waited patiently, expecting it was something about Roger and it was.

"Roger thinks it would be a good idea for us to spend some time with you. You know?" He smiled again shyly and Brian nodded. It had been weeks since he had had time with his two angels. 

"Are you sure thats alright? He really wants to?" Brian had to make sure, remembering how hesitant the blond had been before and now with his heart condition? 

John sat down on the side of the bed and took a deep breath. He had tears in his eyes and it hit the older musician that this was impossibly hard for John to cope with. He was so young and even though he and Roger had known each other for nearly 8 years that seemed to make it even more heart breaking.

"He just needs to be with both of us Bri." John said softly and Brian understood.

"Of course." He said softly. "Tonight?".

"If that's okay?" John was so polite it made the guitarist smile. 

"Absolutely." Brian nodded and was glad he had had his shower earlier.

"I'll get him." John stood up. "He really needs us both so much and I guess I need you both as well." John said softly and went to get Roger. 

Brian quickly got out of bed and tidied up his room and the bed. He managed to get to the kitchen and back again with a bottle of wine and three glasses. They always had a drink together when the two musicians visited. A sort of ritual. He had left his door ajar and was still setting up the wine and fluffing up his pillows, glad that he had also changed his sheets that day.

""Bri?" It was John with Roger right behind him. Both wearing pyjama bottoms as was Brian. He turned from pouring the wine, smiling at his two 'angels' as he thought of them at these times. He held out his arms to them both and they had a group cuddle. 

"I missed you two." Brian kissed them both affectionately and handed them each a glass of wine as they got into bed together. Brian had put some classical music on the radio to play very quietly. He paid special attention to Roger who seemed to be unbelievably beautiful tonight. There was an ethereal quality about him and the guitarist held his hand against his chest as John settled in against his side. 

Brian was overwhelmed with a feeling of affection for the blond that he had mostly always felt for the brunette. There had been a feeling of hands off when it came to Roger. Not the the blond was pushing him away but more that the he there belonged to John and no one else. 

The guitarist looked at John who was sipping his wine and looking lovingly at both Roger and Brian. Brian wrapped his free arm more tightly around the drummers shoulder and swept back his hair over one shoulder. He was always amazed at how strong the drummers arms were but of course they would be. His thoughts must have been read by the blond as he smiled and kissed the taller mans shoulder. 

"Can you hear me?" Brian asked silently and received immediately the musical notes that were at once so sweet and erotic. Each time he was together with the two younger men he learned something new about them and himself. He wondered though if John could also hear their 'conversation'. He glanced at the bassist but he was sipping his wine, looking at the glass and seemed quite content. 

"I love you." Brian thought it and the message was received by the look on the blonds face and the way he kissed the taller man sweetly on the cheek and at the same time clasped John's hand in his. To Brian it was tantalising and for a few minutes they listened to the radio music and sipped their wine.

Brian had leant over and put their glasses on the night table. He wrapped his arms around the two younger musicians and held them close. There was an anticipation in the air but Brian knew enough to let the two decide what they wanted to do and when.

But tonight seemed to belong to the blond and as the three pulled off the rest of their clothes and Brian turned off the lamp he felt the blonds lithe body reach over his and watched as the two kissed with him in between. The drummers fingers gripped his shoulders and then he was kissing Brian, his tongue sliding erotically over his, John was nuzzling the blonds neck and then Brian's, their soft moans filling the small room.

Roger had turned his attention to John for a moment and Brian lay watching the two kiss each other with him in between as their hands were active stroking his thighs and stomach and the blond lowered his head to leave delicate little kisses along his chest, all the time one hand entwined in John's and one hand held by Brian. They had to keep their connection and Brian understood it. Just being with the two of them was amazing but of course it couldn't last forever. John leaned over Brians chest and kissed the blond who sighed, smiling and laying his head down, fell asleep, his hands being held by his two friends.

"Oh." Brian looked at him fondly and turned his head to kiss John. "Is he okay?" He whispered and the brunette nodded.

"I kind of thought this would happen." He chuckled and pulled the covers over the blonds shoulders. "He gets so tired recently but the new medication should help soon." He lay his head back down on the pillow. "He wants us to be together." He kissed the guitarists shoulder. He had tears in his eyes. "He doesn't want to leave me alone." 

Brian wrapped his arm around the brunettes shoulder and pulled him close. "He's quite amazing, isn't he?" Brian whispered and stroked back the blonds hair. "He loves you so much, John. I do, too." He kissed him gently and pulled the covers up over the three of them.

Brian lay awake long after the brunette had fallen asleep, his head on his shoulder, his hand holding Roger's against Brian's chest. He wondered, not for the first time how it would all end. he felt as if he was part of a three act play and the second act had just finished.

.........

'Rog, are you sure?" John helped the drummer set up his kit. They were doing the first gig since Roger had been diagnosed and John was frantic that it would be too much for the blond. But there was nor arguing with the drummer. He always got his own way so it was pointless so John just had to help him set the kit up and keep his mouth shut. 

They'd finished setting up and were having a quiet moment together, sitting on the edge of the riser. John was turning his guitar as the drummer watched him and no words were needed for the feelings they were communicating to each other. 

Roger loved watching John tune his guitar and sat with his knees pulled up, his hands on either side of his face, watching him. He wondered if his thoughts had been too strong because suddenly the bassist looked over at him.

"Rog, I understand what you were doing last night, but I..." The brunette broke down and turned his face away as he felt and almost overwhelming feeling of despair. He could't bear the thought of the blond not being with him. For weeks he had been trying to be strong but he couldn't do it any longer.

"Come here." Roger slid over and putting his hands on John's shoulders, looked into his eyes. 'I promise you. I will never leave you alone, Deaks." He said it so firmly and such conviction that John merely nodded. His heart had felt like breaking and now he had a hope. He hadn't dared ask how this could be but just accepted it. Roger usually knew best, He always had before.

"I was thinking, maybe we could go to the house this weekend, Deaks. Dads home from Asia in a couple of days. We could do stuff. The three of us." The blond put his head to one side and waited.

"Sounds good," The brunette smiled and looked at his boyfriend. "I can't live without you, Rog." He said softly. "I can't."

"I know Deaks. It's going to be okay. Everything will be okay, yeah?" He kissed the brunettes cheek and squeezed his shoulders. "I promise."


	16. Do You Still Love Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was going to be the last one but I can't bring myself to finishing the story quite yet. I love these two so much. I need to find a happy resolve for Brian though and that's going to take some work.
> 
> The last chapter I posted was in May when I was in lockdown in the UK. Nearly 6 months ago, yikes.

Brian had felt so despondent after the two younger musicians left that Freddie was worried about him and tried to think of some ways to take his mind off the emptiness of the flat. 

Brian had stood at the window and waved his lovers off as they got into the taxi to go to the train station. John had turned and held his hand up, fingers spread and Brian felt the sweet gesture as if it had been a kiss. He cherished John's affection. He had understood early on that Roger's true affection was with the brunette. The love between Roger and John was more ethereal. Never, of this world. But theirs was. But was it enough?

Roger had seen John stop to wave to Brian before getting in the taxi and felt an inexplicably sad. But lately just about anything made him feel sad. The doctor had warned him against depression and to let him know if he was experiencing it. But was just sad being depressed? He was sure it wasn't jealousy. But maybe it was? The medication seemed to have slowed his thinking down. 

"Brian looks sad about us leaving, Rog." John smiled at him. "Rog, are you okay?" John asked suddenly. Normally, he felt that connection they always had when they were alone. 

Roger was looking out of the window. He could still see Brian's face and he felt sorry for him. He knew the guitarist loved John. He could feel it. He loved John, too. Was it time to let him go?

Rog gasped suddenly and John grabbed his arm. "Rog, please. Wants wrong?" He asked softly. He didn't want the driver to overhear him. Roger turned slowly and frowned.

"Nothing. Just thinking it'll be nice to see Dad again." But his voice had a far away quality to it that John put down to being homesick. Roger hadn't seen his father in months. 

"Yeah. It will." John squeezed his arm. There was something wrong. He knew it. Roger must have seen him wave at Brian. The spread finger wave had been how Roger and he had greeted each other since they were young. It was a little thing no one else ever noticed. But it meant something. He felt his face go pink. He had to be careful. The blond was more sensitive than usual. He really had to be more careful.

They had managed to get a first class to themselves on the trip to Truro and only had to change trains once. Freddie had packed sandwiches and snacks for them, shuddering at the thought of them eating British Rail food. 

Roger was hungry a soon as the train moved out of the station. He gave him something to do with his hands. He was trying not to think about the look on Brian's face when they left.

John watched his lover across from him. After the ticket collector had come and gone and it was safe he sat next to him and took one of the sandwiches. 

"Angel?" He kissed his cheek and Roger turned his head slowly and then lay it on John's shoulder. 

"Just thinking too much." Roger scoffed and smiled. "I'm really looking forward to being alone with you, Deaks."

"Me, too." John sighed and kissed the blond head under his chin. ""Me too." 

Roger's father had been at the station to meet them. He was pleased to se both boys as he thought of John as a son. But he had been worried while he was overseas about Roger's health. He was so much like his mother that it amazed him. The same thoughtfulness and kindness. 

"Dad!" Roger waved as they got off the train and hugged his father tightly. "Missed you, Dad." He smiled and stood back for John to hug his father, too.

"Uncle Matt." John smiled and felt like a kid again. He always thought of Uncle Matt as his father, too. Even though the elder Taylor had been away a lot when he and Roger were adolescents, when he was there he always had time for them. And it was Uncle Matt's interest in engineering that had spurred John's quest for his degree. 

"John, can I have a word with you while Roger is upstairs?" Matthew Taylor held his study door open for the younger man.

"How is everything going in London? Are you both happy at the flat and who you're sharing with?" Matthew Taylor sat down again at his desk. John had pulled a chair up to the side.

"Yeah, it's great. The band is going places and Freddie and Brian are good friends, now." John knew Roger's dad would be asking about Roger.

"And Roger? He doesn't talk much about..." Matthew spread his hands apart.

"He's okay. He gets tired more easily but he's taking the new medication. I make sure he doesn't do too much. But you know how he is." John smiled and rolled his eyes.

"Oh, yes." Roger's dad smiled. "Listen, John." He frowned. "I really do appreciate you being my eyes and ears in London."

"I know. I really do my best." John sighed. He couldn't say much more. Couldn't tell Roger's own father how close they were That they were lovers. That he had never loved anyone the way he did his son.

"And how are you doing, John? I'm surprised you both didn't have girlfriends in tow this weekend." Matthew put his head to one side. 

"Ah, left them in London." John lied and listened as they could both hear Roger's voice as he came down the stairs. 

"You go on. I'll see you both at dinner." Matthew stood up. "I brought home some projects we can work on after dinner." 

"And Roger will watch." They both said together. 

The weekend had gone too quickly but the two young men had spent as much time as possible with Roger's father who had to leave on the Tuesday. They and said their goodbyes at dinner the night before and Matthew had had a private conversation with Roger and asked him to make sure he did what the doctor told him. He tried not to show how really worried he was about his son and kept the conversation light, thankful that John would let him know if he needed to fly back to London at any time.

Roger and John had slept in their old bedroom in the attic and had spent a lot of time going through their old memories from school. There had been a big wooden box full of loose pictures and any handful brought back floods of memories for them both. Some were of them with groups of friends but many more were of ones they had taken of one another.

Neither had slept in the same bed till Roger's father had left for his trip. It was an unspoken rule. So, when they were finally able to, they lost no time. The car was hardly out of the driveway when John had gotten into bed next to Roger and pulled him into his arms. "I'm not letting you go for hours." He chuckled and they fell back to sleep till nearly lunchtime.

Roger had dream after dream and they were always the same. He woke up shaking as if the dreams had affected his body. John was always alert to any change and woke up immediately and sat up.

"Rog? Are you okay? What's wrong?" He reached for the blonds medication but Roger shook his head and turned to face him. He put his hands out palms up and John understood. He pressed his fingers against his and waited. 

John leaned forward and pressed his forehead against his lover's. He waited and smiled as the musical notes came through loud and clear. He closed his eyes and touched his lips to Roger's. It was sweet and took them back years. 

John moved and centered himself on the bed against the pillows and Roger wrapped his legs around him. He needed this so badly. He'd felt as if they had lost their connection somehow.

Roger tightened his legs around the brunettes waist and John held him as close as was possible. It flashed through Roger's mind that if he died soon he wanted to be just like this. The thought had been so quick that John had only heard a discordant sound and didn't think anything about it. But he knew this was an important moment in their relationship. 

"John?' Roger whispered after a few minutes. "Do you love Brian very much?' He hadn't meant to ask it. It had come out in words and not a thought. His blue eyes squeezed shut and he waited.

"Angel?' John put his hands on either side of the blonds face. "I only love you. I've always only loved you." He waited till Roger opened his eyes. "Only you. Ever." John repeated. 

"I know." Roger tried to smile but he felt bad now for even doubting John. "I know we both love him I just..."

"Being in love and loving someone is different." John whispered. "I know angel." He stroked back the blonds hair. He had never thought Roger could doubt his love for him. He must have done something. The blond was beyond intuitive. There was something else going on in his head but all John could do was wait it out. 

"What do you want to do today, Rog?" He tried to change the subject. He got the answer through his fingertips and smirked. "Yeah? All day?" He chuckled. "Bad angel." He kissed the blonds nose and lightly bit it. 

Despite what Roger wanted John had gone downstairs to make some breakfast for both of them. Roger was useless in the kitchen because he'd been brought up always having a housekeeper who took charge of the kitchen and never let him in. But his boyfriend didn't mind and finally settled on making bacon sandwiches and a pot a of coffee that he took up the three flights of stairs on a tray. 

"Rog?" He put the tray down and looked around. He could hear the shower running and got it. He quickly pulled off his pyjamas and joined his lover in the bathroom. 

"Hey, babe." He pulled the naked body towards him from behind and sweeping the blond locks over a shoulder he kissed his neck and shoulders, sliding his hands down his thighs and around to his bottom. 

"You're my beautiful angel." He whispered and felt Roger's hands reach behind and pull him even closer. 

"Always yours." The blue eyes closed as Roger leaned his head back and and took hold of John's hands, entwining their fingers.

Brian put the phone down. John and Roger had just called to let him know they were okay. Roger didn't speak very much but he sounded as if he was getting a sore throat his voice was so raspy. John spoke more and said they'd be back in a few days. 

"I'm so happy you called. Freddie and I were wondering how you were doing." Brian glanced at Freddie who rolled his eyes and pointed at Brian. The guitarist ignored him.

There had been a message from Roger's doctor to call him as soon as possible but Brian didn't think about it till he put the phone down. He didn't want to call back and worry the two of them. Maybe, tomorrow. It could surely wait a few more hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love to read your comments.


	17. Things Will Never Be The Same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is more about the relationship between Roger and Freddie, though not a sexual one, they've become very, very close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not even going to try to pretend I know anything about heart operations or procedures. So, please excuse me just glancing over it.

Brian didn't care anymore if Freddie thought he was being dramatic by watching by the window for his his two angels as he thought of them. Freddie would never have understood the special relationship the three had.

Finally, the taxi had arrived and he waved as John got out and paid the cabbie. Roger had looked up first and smiled at Brian, lifting his hand and then John looked up and waved. Brian immediately went downstairs to help them and called out to Freddie they had arrived before he ran down the stairs two at a time. The two young men had brought back more luggage than they had left with which meant they had done some gift shopping, probably.

"Hi, Bri." Roger had no qualms about demonstrating his affection for the guitarist and hugged him as the taxi pulled away. It was a pleasant surprise as John did the same and they all went back upstairs to the flat.  
Freddie had a surprise for them and popped a bottle of cheap champagne as he called out "Welcome home!"

Brian was surprised as much as the two younger men and Roger had gone straight over to the singer and hugged him tightly. Freddie had a soft spot for the blond that he never really expressed and returned the embrace whole heartedly.  
"I really missed you two," He squeezed John's shoulder as he came over to him and even wiped a tear from his eye. "I guess I missed you more than I thought." He grinned.

The two younger men sat on the couch and Roger patted the space beside himself for the singer. Brian sat opposite in the armchair and wondered now that they were all together what happened next. Then he remembered the call from Roger's doctor but decided to pass that message on to John or get Freddie to deal with it. Yeah, Freddie should tell him as he had permission to talk to Roger's doctors anyway.

"We bought some gifts from Truro." John looked at Roger before he spoke and the blond nodded and waited a few seconds as he looked at the blond before speaking again. "But we'll give them to you later." He nodded at Roger who looked pleased he's been understood.

Brian watched fascinated as always when Roger and John communicated but Freddie always seemed to deliberately ignore it as if he didn't want to get dragged into something.

Freddie was more than happy the two younger men had arrived back safely. He knew he had to mention the doctor's appointment to the blond but would put it off till later. He felt that they were bonding right now.  
Every so often Freddie had a feeling of a close connection with the drummer and right now the blond was leaning closely against him but wasn't talking. He thought the younger man was trying to tell him something.  
So, this is how it worked. Brian had been puzzled by what Brian had told him about the way they all communicated but he felt an odd feeling that he may be starting to understand. He looked into the blue eyes that were looking into his and could swear he heard the slightest of musical notes hitting his brain. He felt Roger's fingers touch his for a second.

"It's nice to be back, Rog." John slipped his arms around Roger from behind as they stood alone in their bedroom. Brian and Freddie had left to do some shopping so they were alone for an hour or so. Roger leaned his head back and kissed the brunette. 

The blond had been so quiet since they got back that John wondered if he was feeling alright. "We can unpack later." John led him by the hand over to the bed and pulled him down beside him. He could feel the blond was exhausted and pulled the quilt from the end of the bed over them both as Roger lay his head on the pillow and closed his eyes and seemed to immediately fall asleep.

Freddie thought for a moment he was dreaming. He heard Roger's voice close to him and leaned on his elbow, pushing his long, dark hair behind his ear. "Rog, are you okay. Are you feeling sick, darling?" Freddie reached for the bedside light.

Roger was kneeling beside the bed, his messy blond hair tumbling over his bare shoulders. He looked like a lost angel and Freddie had to stop himself from touching him, to make sure he was real.

"No, not sick." The blond shook his head and Freddie put his hand over the other man's.

"Is it about tomorrow? Are you worried about it?" The singer asked gently and got an affirmative nod. He sat up and put the pillows behind his back. "Come, sit on the bed with me." He patted the space beside the side of the bed and Roger stood up and sat down, pulling his legs up and wrapping his arms around them.

"You will go with me, Fred?" He asked quietly, his blue eyes looked worried and his brow furrowed. 

"Yes, of course. It's all planned." He assured the younger man. "We'll get a taxi there and back and we can stop for lunch before coming home. Just you and me, darling." He stroked back the blond hair and waited for his response.

"Okay. I wasn't sure." Roger hugged his legs tighter and lay his face on his knees. He didn't appear to want to leave right away and the older musician realized he needed more assurance so he put his arm around the narrow shoulders and just sat quietly with him for a few moments. He could feel the blond body relax after a moment and he asked him if he was alright to go back to bed.

"Yeah, I'll go back. Thanks, Fred." He lifted his head and leaned it on the singers shoulder for a moment before getting up. At the doorway he turned and smiled at the dark haired man and sent him a message.

Freddie heard the soft musical notes, though he had no idea of their exact meaning he understood the blond was thanking him and he smiled and nodded at the retreating figure.

"Whoa." Freddie turned off the light and lay awake for quite awhile, thinking about what had just happened.

John hadn't realized that Roger had gotten up till he was getting back in bed, again. "Okay, love?" He whispered and pulled the covers over them.

"Yeah, I just wanted to talk to Freddie about tomorrow." Roger said sleepily and stretched his arms above his head before quickly turning into John's body and looping his leg over his. 

"You'll be okay, tomorrow, love." John whispered though he had no idea what the doctor wanted to see Roger about and he hoped it wasn't serious. He couldn't bear the thought of losing his lover and hoped he wasn't living in denial. It was good that Freddie was willing to take over and ask the right questions when he took Roger to the doctors tomorrow.

Roger kissed the brunettes neck in answer and closed his eyes. He felt better now after talking to Fred. Much better. He loved John with all his heart but he couldn't do everything.

"Ready?" Freddie was pulling on his jacket. Checking his pockets for his wallet, sunglasses and keys. He watched Roger slowly put on his jacket and look at himself in the mirror. The blond never lost the house without checking his appearance first. They used to tease him about it but not anymore. It was an endearing quality that showed he did have a little vanity in him. 

Brian and John were trying not to show their concern but at the same time didn't want to make light of the drummer's condition because really, they didn't know. 

Freddie had told the other two that they would probably be away a couple of hours as he would take Roger for lunch afterwards, so not to worry if they weren't back right away. Roger waited, his face pale but blank. 

Like the last time, after a short examination by the doctor, Roger and Freddie sat in front of the doctor's desk. Roger looked somewhere behind the older man's head while Freddie listened and asked questions. Occasionally, both men would look at the blond and then away. He wasn't participating and looked more like he was a passenger on a bus, waiting for his stop than in a consultation.

"So, good and a little not so good news?" Freddie put his hand on Roger's arm. "Rog, did you get all that?" The singer asked gently.

"Huh?" Roger frowned. He'd been writing a song in his head and trying not to listen. 

"You just need to have a little operation and then it sounds as if you'll be okay." Freddie looked at the doctor who nodded kindly at the blond. 

"It's a simple procedure, Roger. I'm sorry it wasn't available when your mother was ill." The doctor sighed and then looked back at Freddie. "We'll set up the appointment for as soon as possible. " He advised him. 

"Fine. You're okay with that, Rog?" Fred had stopped himself from saying 'darling'. Didn't want to shock the medical man. 

"Yeah, I guess. Can we go now?" Roger frowned and tried to smile at the doctor who understood.

"Sure. Is there anything else we need to know?" The singer put the emphasis on the 'we' though it was obvious Roger wasn't listening as he was already at the door.

Once they were out on the street and had walked a couple of streets to the restaurant, Roger spoke. He'd been silent the whole time but once they sat down and were served their wine and had their menus he spoke up.

"So, they're going to cut me open?" HIs eyes seemed so large that Freddie realized some of what had been discussed he had heard and it was scaring him.

"Yeah, but not too much, darling. He said it's quite routine. You have to do it." The older man said firmly and apparently he'd taken the right because the blond just nodded and blew out his cheeks.

"Yeah." He nodded and looked at the menu. "I have to do it." He looked again and Freddie who nodded seriously.

"We love you, Rog. Me and Bri and John. Do this for us if not for yourself, yeah?" The singer put his hand gently of the drummers arm.

"Okay, I'll do it." Roger managed a smile and then realized he really was very hungry.

John tried so hard not to rush to the door when he heard Fred's voice saying they were back but Brian had no such qualms. He'd been worried sick about what the summons by the doctor was about and rushed to help Roger take his jacket off and look for any sign from either of them. 

"Is that fresh coffee, I smell?" The singer hinted and Brian rolled his eyes. 

"I'll put the coffee maker on." He sighed.

"Love?" John asked softly and took the drummers hand in his as he sat beside him on the couch. The drummer shrugged and leaned into his friend. "Did you have a good lunch?" He tried a different tactic and got a vigorous nod of the head. 

"Okay." Freddie sat down and put a few pamphlets on the coffee table. "I'm not even going to try to explain all the stuff we talked about but the short version is that Rog is going to have a small operation that is apparently quite routine now." He stopped and looked at the blond who had started to look uninterested again. " Everything is in these booklets and we just have to wait for them to schedule him at the hospital." 

"That sounds good, Rog?" John kissed the blonds head and looked at Freddie. "And then he'll be okay. No worries?" He asked and the singer nodded but was looking at Roger.

"It's a lot to take in. Rog needs to think about it more but I think he'll go for it, yeah. Yes, darling?" He smiled and looked up as Brian brought in the coffee and some of Roger's favourite cookies.

"If Freddie says I need to, I will." Roger said quietly and the older man nodded. He felt like a father and a big brother and a best friend all wrapped up into one. 

"Rog and I had a very long talk at lunch." He said softly and crouched down in front of the blond. "He knows how much we need him to be well and always with us." The older man smiled and again heard the sweetest of musical notes in his ear and sighed.

Definitely strange and wonder things had come into the Queen household since the two younger musicians had joined them and he felt the bond with the blond growing more and more though he couldn't explain it and he wondered why had had ever fought it in the first place. 

Brian hadn't imagined that his two angels would visit him that night but they did. Long after they had gone to bed he had woken to the two younger men getting into bed beside him and he moved to the middle of the bed so that they had equal space, as they both kissed him and snuggled up against his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around each one and they fell asleep but sometime during the night Roger had gotten up and gone to Freddie's room.

"Freddie, is okay if I sleep with you tonight?" Roger had whispered, standing in the doorway and the singer answered by holding back the covers and letting the warm body move in close to his. Again, he heard the musical notes and thought he'd never feel the same again about anything.

"Goodnight, darling." He kissed the blonds forehead and closed his eyes.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger is a lost soul in the chapter. He gravitates to Freddie to help him through it and the singer finds a solution to the younger man's angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should probably have posted this after the holidays but I can never hold on to a chapter once it's finished.  
> Hope you like it!

John almost immediately noticed that Roger wasn't with he and Brian. He waited a few minutes in case the blond had gone to the loo but when he didn't return he whispered to Brian if he knew where Roger had gone. 

"He said he was going to talk to Fred, Deaky." Brian said softly. 

"Oh, okay." John nodded but still wanted to check his boyfriend was okay. From down the hall he could tell the singers door was slightly open and quickly looked around the corner into the room. Roger was fast asleep with the singers arms loosely over his forearm. John went back to Brian's room.

"He's okay. Both asleep." He snuggled back into the space between the guitarists arm and shoulder and sighed. It was still strange not seeing Roger on the other side of Brian or even closer, beside him. 

"Well, he's in safe hands." Brian murmured. He was imagining he and John were together. Just the two of them. He would never separate him from Roger. Only in his fantasies. He loved them both. It was a beautiful triangle. 

Roger was still with Freddie when the singer woke up and Fred was glad because he wanted to spend some time with him. They needed to talk somewhere they would be interrupted. He said he'd go get them some breakfast and they could eat in bed and chat. He had a feeling Roger wanted to stay with him for longer. 

When Freddie got back with the tray Roger was sitting up in the bed. He's washed his face and brushed his teeth and had that special Roger smile on his face that the female fans went a little mad for. 

"I've got coffee, toast and jam. Okay?" Freddie carefully put the tray down on the desk and handed the blond a mug. He carefully got back into bed with the plate of toast on his lap. 

"Thanks, Fred." Roger said softly. He wanted to talk to the singer. To tell him what was bothering him. But it was always so difficult to start. 

"Fred?" Roger put the mug down and took a deep breath. The singer did the same and waited patiently. 

"Are you worried about the operation, Rog?' He asked gently but the blond shook his head. He had tears in his eyes and Fred knew he wanted to tell him something that was coming from deep inside.

"I miss my mom." The words were a surprise but the older musician immediately put his arms around the younger man who cried in his arms. He stroked back the blond hair and waited.

"I...I was thinking about her sitting in the same office and hearing the same doctor say the same thing when I was sitting in the waiting room. All I could think about was her taking me out to lunch and buying me this new record that had come out. I was so selfish and she never let on what had happened. She came out and smiled at me and we spent the day together." The words came out haltingly. Roger had kept all of this inside him for so long that Freddie could physically feel his pain as he sobbed on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Fred." He sobbed.

"Oh, baby. You have nothing to be sorry about or guilty about or anything." Freddie whispered. 

"I do, Fred. I'll be okay but she won't. I miss her. I really, really miss her. I need her, now." Roger was inconsolable and the singer didn't even try. He just held him tight and made soothing noises. He couldn't replace Roger's mom but he knew someone who would go a long way to bridge the gap.

"Rog?' He had waited till the blond had calmed down. He took the two hands in his and thought he had never in his life seen two sadder eyes. "I'm going to take you to see my mom today, okay? I know it's not the same but I know for a fact she adores you and I think your mom would like it. Don't you?" He put his head to one side.

Roger nodded and took a deep breath. "I think she would." He closed his eyes and sighed. "I'm sorry I'm such a baby." 

"Oh, darling. I'm honored that you told me how you feel." Freddie kissed the blonds forehead. "I love you."

Freddie had called his mother, Jeri as soon as he could that morning and told her as much as he could. She readily agreed to bring Roger to see her and told him she would make his favourite lemon tarts for the drummer. 

John was slightly surprised when Freddie told him about what was going on. He felt ever so slightly jealous that Roger had gone to the singer but then quickly dismissed the feeling. It was good that he had. Freddie was like a big brother to him and was sensible when it came to important things. He watched as two musicians headed to the train station. 

"He'll be okay, John." Brian had watched him. They were all so bound up in one another's lives now. "Grab your guitar and we'll fill in the time till they get back.

"Maybe, Fred's mom will keep him." John was entirely joking. He knew he couldn't be all things to Roger. He needed his father and a mother and all his friends to get through life. He was sweet and fragile and strong and vulnerable all at the same time. 

But the bassist grabbed his guitar. Brian made sense. He had to get his mind on something else. 

"Oh, my dear." Jeri was at the door as her son and Roger came up the path. She had to stand on tip toe to kiss them both and she took Roger's hand and lead him into her warm, sweet smelling kitchen.

"Now you sit down. Freddie please get the plates and mugs she ordered her son who rolled his eyes and chuckled. She carefully put six lemon tarts on a plate and put them directly in front of Roger along with her special strong coffee. 

Roger's blue eyes widened at the sweet treats and he looked up at her and smiled. "My mom made these, too." He said softly. 

"She sounds like a wonderful woman, my dear." She bent over and kissed him. Freddie had left the room to visit with his father and sister. Roger and his mom hadn't even noticed.

Roger bit into a warm lemon tart and closed his eyes as his memory went back to the kitchen in Cornwall and his mother doing her baking. The same smells. His mother preferred coffee over tea. He opened his eyes and for a moment Mrs. Bulsara was his mother. With her fine blond hair and sweet smile. But Jeri had dark hair and dark eyes but the same sweet smile. He could talk to her. He could.

"Tell me Roger, about your mother. I want to feel like I know her." Jeri sipped her coffee and took a lemon tart. 

Roger had told her story upon story so that a picture of his mother had been drawn. She sounded lovely and she could see how close she and her son had been. He was like her in looks. He had shown her a picture of the two of them. The same blue eyes and sweet smile. They both had the look of the fae, to be one with the faeries. To see things and feel things that others couldn't. It was a gift and not always a welcome one. She had recognized that in Roger the first time she had met him. 

"Your mother brought you up to be a good boy. I think if you are still and listen you will hear her speaking to you when you're scared." Jeri said softly.

"I think your mother is with you now, Roger." She put her hand on top of his and he nodded. The sadness in the blue eyes was palpable. 

"Do you really think so?" He whispered and she nodded.

"Everything is going to be fine. She's with you and will stay with you till you're safe." She squeezed his hand. She had a vision of Roger's mother standing behind him, her hand on his shoulder and smiling. 

"Look after him." She instructed her son. "He is so special that you have no idea." She whispered in her son's ear. 

Freddie nodded. He always believed his mother and she had voiced his own feelings.

John was listening for the flat door and had to stop himself from launching at the door. Freddie and Roger were chatting and his lover looked calmer than when he had left. John had wanted to take him aside as he hadn't really talked to him since the night before. He hadn't kissed him or hugged him. He needed the blond more than the blond needed him. That was obvious.

"Rog, please. Is everything okay?" John tried to keep the strain out of his voice but couldn't. 

"Yeah, all good." Roger wrapped his arms around John's neck. He did looked calmer then when he had left and John was thankful for that. 

"I love you so much." John kissed him. "I'm sorry I can't fix everything for you sometimes, love." 

"You can't do everything, Deaky." Roger whispered in his ear. "But there a few things you do really, really well." 

"Brat." John blushed and knew what the blond meant. 

John was so afraid of Roger having the operation, even if it was a routine one these days. The thought of losing him scared him so much there were no words for it.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always put off updating this story as I find it more heartbreaking than most. The fact Roger doesn't have his mother when he needs her is especially sad, even though Freddie got his mother to step in and take her place as much as she could.
> 
> John is somewhat left to the sidelines.

It was the evening before Roger's heart operation. They had all visited him in the hospital but left after he was given a light sleeping medication and he was feeling drowsy. John had wanted to stay with him but wasn't allowed to.

Roger's father had flown in the day before and had already seen his son. Freddie's mom had spent a few hours with the young man and held his hand and promised the would be there when he woke up after the operation. She had had a heart to heart talk with Roger's father and he understood why his son needed her to be there and he was grateful to her.

For once, John felt on the sidelines of Roger's attention but knew it had to be this way. It still gave him a pang but when he had been the last to leave the hospital room the blond had hugged him and kissed him and told him how much he loved him. It was a sweet, sad moment because anything could have happened when Roger was under the anisthetic regardless of how routine the operation was.

Brian was concerned about John who was looking so lost without his soul mate. There had been no question that the younger man wouldn't spend the night with Brian and he was making himself comfortable in the guitarists arms and allowing the older man to assure him everything would be alright. That Roger would be fine and better than ever once he'd had the procedure was done. John knew he was right but till he saw him the next afternoon he couldn't stop being worried.

Brian coveted this quiet moment with John even though he loved having both of them in his bed at night. Their special moments that had nothing to do with sex. It was if all three of their hearts beat at once and they could read one another thoughts.  
Brian understood after a few months of this bonding what the two younger men had between them. It was as if Roger was anchored in heaven and John on earth and they met somewhere with Brian in between.

"Try to sleep, love." Brian tucked the brunettes head under his chin and held his hand against his heart. It was his job to get John through the night till the late morning when they would know for sure that Roger was in recovery. When Brian had told his mother about the operation and that Freddie's mother would be taking the place of Roger's mom she said she would travel down the next day, also. He smiled when she said two mom's were better than one but then she was worried she would step on Jer Bulsara's toes. He assured that would not happen and he looked forward to seeing Roger surrounded by 3 parents when he came around.

John tried to sleep. He closed his eyes and tried to slow his heart down. He was glad Brian was with him because he thought he would have gone crazy otherwise. But it was so strange to be there without Roger on the other side. 

They had all met at the hospital later that morning. Only Roger's father and Jer had seen Roger before he was taken down to the operating theatre. They told the other's that he had been drowsy with the pre op injection but was smiling as he was taken to the operating theatre. 

Brian sat with his and Freddie's mothers while John paced one end of the hallway to the other with Roger's father.

The younger man was happy that Uncle Matt could be there and they both talked in low voices about what they would do for Roger once he had recovered. Roger's father always had some interesting project for them since they were boys and he knew how to fire their imaginations even then. 

Freddie had hovered around Brian and his mom but felt just as nervous as John and Roger's father. If anything had happened to the younger man he would be just as devastated. But an hour later the surgeon appeared saying Roger had done all and was in the recovery room. He suggested they all go and get some rest and come back in an hour or so. John hesitated but said he would wait. He couldn't eat, anyway and the others agreed that till they saw Roger they would wait. 

A calmness had fallen on all of them. John watched Freddie mom and Roger's dad in a deep conversation. He was so amazed at Freddie's wonderful mom. He missed his own parents and who had died before he had gone to live with Roger and his father in Cornwall. Roger deserved all the love that was on offer as far as John was concerned. He had changed his life and made it better than he ever had thought possible. He loved him so much that he would do anything for him.

The night before he and Brian had talked about his relationship with Roger and how it had started and all that they meant to one another. Brian had held him close and listened and asked questions about how they had achieved to understand one another through telepathy. It was an amazing story and the guitarist felt honoured to be part of their closeness as if he was necessary to them. He understood that they needed him, now. To be just the two of them was almost too much. They needed a go between to even them out. 

John had felt much more relaxed enough to sleep after the had talked to Brian. He loved the tall musician in a different way than Roger. The blond was his other self. Brian kept them both anchored to earth.

There had been complications. The doctor was talking to Mr. Taylor while Roger's friends stood a little distance away. Freddie's mom was asking questions and both of them were nodding. John had felt Brian's arm going around him as they tried to listen. 

"Brian, what's going on?" John didn't care if anyone saw him clinging onto Brian. He was distraught beyond belief. 

Brian was trying to make out what was going on. It seemed to have something to do with Roger's diabetes, yet another factor. He had gone into a coma and was being monitored so that they couldn't see him. Brian motioned Freddie to come over to where he was and stayed with John.

Roger's father understood that his friends needed to know what was going on and briefly explained that his songs blood sugar had done a dive.. The complication with the heart operation had been overwhelming but they were optimistic about Roger's recovery once they stabilised him.

Roger was unaware of what was happening. He could hear the voices around him but was if he was hearing noises from an adjoining flat. They made no sense. He was floating and looking for John. He couldn't find him and he felt himself panicking. He called his name and when there was no answer then he called for Brian. He saw them both in the distance but it was mist and far away and he thought he would never reach them. 

Brian explained to John what was going on. He wished he could just sit with Roger that it would be enough to bring him around. He couldn't lose him now. His own life was so wound up in his that he was sure he would die if Roger did. He knew for certain he would.

Brian was back with John. "It sounds like there was a problem with his blood sugar, John. They just have to get it stabilised it and then we can see him. It's going to be okay." he held John close. No one noticed or thought anything of it. They were all upset.

Roger's father had come over to talk to John. He considered his nephew as a son and and appreciated how close he had always been with his Roger.

"John, please don't worry. It sounds like Roger's care is in good hands. As soon as we can see him you can come with me. Roger will want that." He ruffled the young man hair. 

"Thanks, Uncle Matt. I can't help being worried. He's been so fragile lately." John admitted.

Roger heard the voices fading away. He felt at peace and had a sensation of floating. He was calling out to John to come with him. It was time. They had to go together. His feeling of calmness was taken over from one of distress. He was in Truro, in their home and he was running up the stairs, calling out for John but there was no answer and he felt himself tumbling back down the stairs. 

"Rog?" The voice was calling him back but he couldn't move. He as paralysed and couldn't even speak. If John couldn't see him he would die by himself and be alone forever. He heard himself calling for John before everything went black.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a kudo or comment if you feel like it.  
> I love the comments!


End file.
